Play these before reading any further -
For my compatriots– bit.ly/1zsgDWX
For other readers- tinyurl.com/7ofqubv
For serious music savants- bit.ly/pUog8p
For Outliers - bit.ly/UxesJS
Phew… Well frankly its been a while since I wrote anything on my ‘beloved’ college. Wrote a couple of intense (read: overdose) thought provoking articles in between about love, the meaning of friendship, life and its purpose and other philosophical jazz. How time flies and how small things can give immense happiness.
Suffice it to say I was behaving like an Indian.
Users here were quite encouraging in their feedback with one guy being particularly remember able for commenting ‘go home Pi you're drunk.' (Note: fucking asshole).
So with that break now I’m back with the normal self-deprecating stuff I write for your wholesome entertainment.
Lot of things have happened since my exams in the last week of February. The major development being that I’m currently in the middle of my internship at a start-up digital marketing firm called Brandhill.
For the sake of simplicity I'm dividing this into 2 parts – Fun stuff and Serious stuff.
I’ll start with a boring introduction to my company and then some interesting people. I’m into creating and implementing marketing strategies with the help of analytics for effective traffic consumption and conversion.
In other words - we fuck the client and the consumer in the name of free data that Google gives us, which we mish-mash with the help of support softwares and come up with ‘elaborate yet simple’ changes to get some dude sitting naked with his laptop to see ads relating to the keyword ‘torn’ or ‘corn’ (‘Jeans torn? Get it to tailor John’; ‘Best Corn in County – Wippie Foodle’) when he actually just misspelled ‘porn’ in the search bar.
Result: Its been going good and I’m learning the necessary skills to make money. Also the next time you’re searching for something like ‘Bloody Mary’ (the cocktail) and you’re shown ads of blood & sex worshipping cults with bright ‘JOIN-IN’ call signs; remember who go got you there - bit.ly/11KdeQy
This is me 2 days before the beginning of my internship at 10th March 2013 –bit.ly/1249XNG bit.ly/ZHS9Isbit.ly/15gDbNC
This is me now 2 months later on – bit.ly/15hbpki
And here some interesting people with whom I interact every day.
1. Name - Studgirl
Status - My first of four roommates and colleague at office, In a relationship with some dick.
Defining moment – Buying lingerie online during office hours on a regular basis and asking me to assist her in choosing the sexy ones because apparently girls consider me ‘safe’. (Yes, safe means I’m considered a girl friend as opposed to my gender and I’m sterile)
and while talking about my growing waistline she said – ‘Your face is getting bigger’ but I heard ‘Your faeces getting bigger’.
2. Name – Studboy
Status – Second roommate and an intellect. Single (obviously)
Defining Moment - Tries to get it on with Studgirl when she was drunk.
And like all nerd stories end - "Mission failed."
3. Name – R.D. bit.ly/124eRKu
Status – Third roommate and a fucking retard. Playboy with no soft skills. bit.ly/10ajzrx
(That’s him violating Studgirl’s Mr. Teddy)
Defining Moment - expired while aiming for the record of consuming 12 bottles of strong beer with-in the duration of the evening news weather forecast. bit.ly/138MADD
4. Name – Phillipine Martin bit.ly/16FiRFs
Status – Goddamn chimney (she smokes like an entire fucking plantation of tobacco in a single day) bit.ly/116eimM
Defining Moment – Her English is passable so when she asked me ‘Do you go clubbing here because my French roommate goes clubbing every night?’.
I reply in a very quick tone ‘Not regularly cause eh (gestures with hands) they are kind of really expensive places for me to hang around every night and since I’m a student I have to be wary of my budget.’
And then seeing her dumb look I asked – ‘Did you understand what I said about why I don’t go to clubs?’
And she replied so sweetly – ‘Oh yeah yeah, it is because you’re Indian?’bit.ly/18lKbYF
5. Name – Boss
Status – My boss and he’s married and he’s a really experienced marketer. But he talks too much about himself only.
Defining moment –Picture deleted on request
I love this snap cause we’re sitting in the middle of the highway drunk as otters.bit.ly/13V6XTO
us smoking a sheeshah/hookahbit.ly/18lOHGq
you guessed it
I’ve to reappear for 4 exams because my aggregate CGPA of 2 semesters is not meeting the set criteria of 5.5 (I’m at 4.81). I went to the Dean to ask for some help and to explain that I’m here on an education loan and that if he doesn’t cut me slack then the events that will be set off will be someitng like these
1. Kicked out of college
2. Kicked out of family
3. Kicked out by girl friend
4. Kicked in by the bank which now knows I have no means to pay back the loan
5. Legal action by the bank
6. I start peddling my ass for money
To this day the I feel cool in myself to have witnessed such a cool dean whose succinct reply was bordering on this only - bit.ly/18lnPGH
I’m good at marketing. Fuck that, I’m awesome at it. My boss tells me this. My brother who is himself very successful at his marketing career tells me the same. So why do I need to sit for exams and pass them, for something which I’m paying (and I’m paying shit loads along with 1000 other suckers) to get a technical addon for my future profession. I mean post graduate studies shouldn’t be about who got the A or B or a CGPA of 9.9. It should be about you being taught as part of a supplement education to hone your talent and interests. The evaluation should be not written papers but who all are how successful in the real world and have actually applied their learning to further their career. But hey! I guess if they follow my system then how will they grade our colleges so as to get more admissions the next year. “Top 10 Colleges of India” is a money-making exercise in itself and one which will fuck up the careers of many.
Sujan ‘as cool as a villain’ Deswal