dude you seriously need to believe in yourself a little bit more and stop calling yourself shit and stuff because this is just pointless.. I am sorry but crying about on hltv is not going to change your life in any way, you are the only person that can change your life, it's all about the mindset you have.
Now you have 2 choices.
1: you stay at home and cry about it and keep calling yourself a retard with 0 social skills, and this might be the easier path but the years are going to pass and nobody is going to go and bang on your door like "hey dude come out and have a drink with us" so you're just going to waste your life away
2. you try to make some changes in your life, try to talk to people you meet/go to school with/work together with, practice your social skills, believe it or not, it can get a lot better if you practice it, you just need to get out of your room.