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Roast yourself
ZywOo | 
United States Inagural_ 
I'm an average height, burger-eating, virgin, blind cunt who needs contacts just to see and has no girlfriend
2019-01-22 23:29
United States crulix 
2019-01-22 23:30
ZywOo | 
United States Inagural_ 
thanks fellow burger
2019-01-22 23:33
United States crulix 
2019-01-22 23:34
United States BubbleFlameszz 
2019-01-22 23:30
ZywOo | 
United States Inagural_ 
You need glasses then
2019-01-22 23:35
Sweden meistr0 
2019-01-23 00:12
Belarus really_Nygaard 
imma 182cm, not fat playing basketball sexy dude
2019-01-22 23:31
Lithuania gime114 
You know I never understood why virgin is an insult, like if you had sex before u were like 20 you probably didn't give a shit about STDs, I even know a guy who used tinder to hookup and ended up having to check up because the hookup messaged him saying that she had an STD. Like cool I didn't have sex yet, but at least I don't have syphilis.
2019-01-22 23:32
United States BubbleFlameszz 
True true
2019-01-22 23:35
Lithuania gime114 
as far as roasting myself 2.5k hours and still DMG :(
2019-01-22 23:38
2019-01-23 09:25
Brazil nyz 
it's a indicator of masculinity and some social abilities, if you reach adult age and never had a partner before, that's not good.
2019-01-23 01:42
You know there is something called "condom" and it is sold to almost every convenience store around the world except North Korea.You should check it out.
2019-01-23 02:58
F North Korea
2019-01-23 09:43
difference between getting an STD at 16 or 20 is 4 years, other than that you're just making excuses for your awkwardness around girls. Btw condoms reduce 99% of problems...
2019-01-23 07:56
try to beat me: -average height -unskilled at everything -blind -polish
2019-01-22 23:34
ScreaM | 
Brazil HLTVolt 
I have many polish friends, always a pleasure to hang out with
2019-01-23 00:23
World _EpiC_ 
i loled hard
2019-01-23 13:02
Germany zeolikk 
I am small and that's the conclusion about bad things about me
2019-01-22 23:37
Small as in body size or..........................................
2019-01-22 23:38
Germany de_nostromo 
You wish..
2019-01-23 00:09
Germany zeolikk 
Tell me other stuff that could be bad about me then, I have no idea
2019-01-23 00:32
Smaller than me? Im 1,67 It sucks
2019-01-23 01:59
Germany zeolikk 
Woah, that actually sucks. No, I'm 1,78 actually but in school, in my family etc I was always the smallest because it's just average height for Germany
2019-01-23 07:17
Im 1.76 and all my frienda are 1.90+ ;-;
2019-01-23 07:55
Germany zeolikk 
Yea same with almost all of mine
2019-01-23 09:23
United States circles308 
my dick is so big girls get hurt when i have sex with them
2019-01-22 23:39
yeah tickling can cause pain
2019-01-22 23:41
2019-01-22 23:51
United States flybywire12 
xD You win hltv today my friend
2019-01-23 00:02
Palestine Baitor69 
2019-01-23 00:11
2019-01-23 13:08
Brazil JMB_17 
loooool n1 my friend
2019-01-23 13:11
why are you mean?
2019-01-23 00:02
gabs | 
Faroe Islands DiaRhea 
DJ Khaled suffering from success :(
2019-01-23 00:16
find deep one
2019-01-23 07:58
Im simple amazing ez
2019-01-22 23:54
i love olof
2019-01-22 23:59
Nothing to roast, i'm perfection incarnate
2019-01-23 00:00
lost over 100k because cryptopia exchange got hacked
2019-01-23 00:05
Russia v0x1k 
small willy
2019-01-23 00:08
Will fuck a 4/10 next week.
2019-01-23 00:11
shox | 
Greece Jackdawxd 
will fuck nothing next week..
2019-01-23 00:15
I've always knew n0thing is gay..
2019-01-23 00:25
Me still think I'm the King. Hah!
2019-01-23 00:13
shox | 
Greece Jackdawxd 
I'm a 17 year old with too little relationship experience and I'm too picky with the girls I like
2019-01-23 00:16
ScreaM | 
Brazil HLTVolt 
I look black but I have light brown skin, and I have long curly hair, I look like an abomination mix and people keep staring at me for being this different
2019-01-23 00:19
Yep you are ugly, im so sorry :(
2019-01-23 02:01
Austria db42 
i want to lose 15 kilos since like 1,5 years but i just end up being to lazy to do anything (not really fat), be it working out or eating healthier for a longer amount of time, in general i have a huge problem with the "I'll do that tommorow" -attitude for pretty much everything i do in live. being lazy fucking sucks and its putting me into mild depression ever since i cant get rid of bad habits somehow even though i always tell myself I'll change.
2019-01-23 00:22
What helped me during my weight loss period was controlling my binge eating and eating every 6 hours instead of every 2 hours. I reccomend buying sugar free gum and chewing on that when you feel hungry.
2019-01-23 01:38
Austria db42 
i eat three times a day, i skip breakfast, small lunch at 11, then something again when i get home around 5-6, then something again around 8-9, bed at 11-12
2019-01-23 09:22
Never skip breakfast.
2019-01-23 13:05
Austria db42 
I never got the hang of it, im just not hungry when i wake up. I'd rather be productive than waste my time eating something i dont want to eat anyway.
2019-01-23 13:10
But you can't be as productive without getting food in the morning.
2019-01-23 13:12
What's your bmi?
2019-01-23 19:46
Czech Republic Rewask 
2019-01-23 17:05
Portugal Antzrede 
I'm so small that if I had a girlfriend I would fit in her pocket
2019-01-23 00:29
I'm one ugly poorlack who spends most of his time in front of the computer and has no life plans whatsoever. Also I'm shitty at every game and I think I don't have to mention that I'm single.
2019-01-23 00:34
im a 5"8.8 manlet with coinslot eyes and fecal skin
2019-01-23 01:34
btw 5"8.8 sounds more manlet than 5"8 so just say 5"8 and you're fine
2019-01-23 01:51
United States subzera 
I am lonely with no social skills and its all my fault and i could change it but i dont so instead all i do is sit in my room, cut myself and play csgo and im not even any good at the game either BONUS: ive played hockey all my life and we won state my senior year but i didnt even really make any friend on my team. ive been working out for the last 2 years because i cant talk to people but i thought if i was atleast fit, some girl might talk to me. but ive severly slowed down on that because im so fucking sad
2019-01-23 01:43
Canada NabasKi 
then go out, face your fears
2019-01-23 01:39
Excellent roast
2019-01-23 01:40
an hero?
2019-01-23 02:24
190cm, 17cm dick, athletic build, had 2 girlfriends, going to aviation academy, and I only have like 4 friends 2 of which I rarely hang out with and 1 who is abroad
2019-01-23 01:45
Based off the first couple of things you said... sounds to me like you're doing great. In terms of only 4 friends, do you know what the reasoning behind that is?
2019-01-23 09:54
Mostly cause I was asocial as a kid and stayed inside playing video games instead of meeting kids in my neighborhood since thats when you meet friends mostly. all 3 of my friends were from middle school and the neighborhood I had friends in high school and as soon as it ended we didn't stay in touch. I didn't go to college went straight to the academy so I missed out on the friends in college part. I have those 3 and maybe like 10 people who when I see we just chit chat but don't really hang out or anything bums me out sometimes but it is what it is
2019-01-23 20:07
Sounds like me tbh, got 2 "main friends" then a couple from uni, don't hang out with any of them regularly. Had a best friend (my girlfriend) and we did everything together, but now we've broken up. I'm in the same boat man :(
2019-01-24 03:48
What sucks the most is im not some weirdo id say im an interesting guy to an extent I guess we just gotta keep pushing for a better tomorrow lol
2019-01-24 15:29
Yeah man I know the feeling, I'm no weirdo either, but playing games have lowered our interaction with other people (besides online people) so it's expected. That's why I've recently quit games and trying to be my best self.
2019-01-24 16:42
I support Internazionale Milano, a team that became a meme after Mourinho left.
2019-01-23 01:50
Canada NabasKi 
you still got icardi though
2019-01-23 01:54
Yeah, but for how long...
2019-01-23 03:15
I am hopeless and awkward and desperate for love
2019-01-23 02:17
2019-01-23 02:25
im a cisgendered male
2019-01-23 02:25
2019-01-23 03:21
candian secret police will destroy you now
2019-01-23 04:09
jOELZ | 
Andorra Kuulers 
15yo and still virgin, no gf in my life
2019-01-23 02:26
unpopular opinion: its ok to be virgin with 15.
2019-01-23 09:33
Italy extentt 
I’m a pasta, pizza eating, mafia member, who has too much hair
2019-01-23 02:27
Turkey Zagrew08 
Fakeflager detected
2019-01-23 03:10
i think im a g2 fan would be a better roast
2019-01-23 07:33
i'm a dane so i'm a perfect chad
2019-01-23 02:36
typical delusional dane cute
2019-01-23 07:59
tee hee
2019-01-23 08:01
His name means fat pig. Don't think he's perfect.
2019-01-23 13:06
Germany uRaguuu 
21 yo, virgin, fail(ed) everything at university for 1,5 years now, addicted to anime stuff, mastrubate daily, always pretending being smart but iam not, always average at every game doesnt matter how much i play, no friends irl and only 2 "good" friends on the internet, my morals are on 4chan niveau
2019-01-23 03:15
Okay, this sounds terrible. Sorry man.
2019-01-23 13:07
im just too afraid to live my life without regrets
2019-01-23 03:16
United States pepehands420 
old loser with shit social skills, pissed away all my opportunities with cool girls because i was either too lazy or too distracted to care. i'm just an apathetic fuck who spends way too much time on the computer.
2019-01-23 03:37
United States Freakmode 
fat black gay jewish democrat
2019-01-23 04:13
FalleN | 
India GalexE 
I have no friends except one who pings me when she is unable to solve a sum I'm a failure in life.
2019-01-23 07:24
India otgps 
You got a girl do some bout it. Don't just waste yourself.
2019-01-23 09:58
FalleN | 
India GalexE 
But I love papa and that matters the most. He's not just a man he's a feeling now.
2019-01-23 07:25
No u
2019-01-23 07:31
studying mechanical engineering for 6 years, still 2nd class. playing cs since 2003 but still level 8. blaming monitor,ping,chair... for being bad. like i dont go to my exams because i want to play cs, i suck at cs too. and yes, cant even write/talk in english properly
2019-01-23 07:52
loli | 
Russia AnimeTrap 
cute trans wannabe with retarded goal in life and clinical depression
2019-01-23 07:53
I am constantly failing to create threads without them getting deleted afterwards.
2019-01-23 09:35
Slovakia kubb1 
Freaking slimmy virgin fag, only food and cola and no drugs
2019-01-23 09:31
United States JustBitsy 
2019-01-23 09:35
skinny, weak, addicted to pc (not just gaming but most of my hobbies are on the computer), no discipline, no motivation to make use of my talents to get a decent salary, desperate for love, still not over my ex after 3 years. but im currently planning on building my own house. so at least i have a financially stable future ahead.
2019-01-23 09:41
Zeus | 
Finland Olter 
I only roast jews sorry
2019-01-23 09:55
2019-01-23 22:17
India otgps 
I'm a sub-average height, fat, virgin, blind cunt who needs contacts just to see and has no girlfriend
2019-01-23 09:57
Lul u r loser
2019-01-23 13:01
India otgps 
says the southie
2019-01-23 13:06
Southie? Xd
2019-01-23 15:02
i support the french scene
2019-01-23 13:00
Rest in peace, friend.
2019-01-23 13:09
Poland FitPolak 
Legend says, if you touch my nose, then every sacristy in Poland opens up
2019-01-23 13:02
gypsy trying to speak slavic
2019-01-23 13:12
194 cm, green eyes.
2019-01-23 19:49
Czech Republic VeryCzechGuy 
no confidence, shy, lazy af , little bit of acne, scared to talk to a girl who likes me
2019-01-23 19:49
Libya Eruptor 
Can't roast myself not because I'm perfect or any other bullshit, I'm simply okay with my below-average height and virginity. I mean, you can always change whatever you don't like, unless you're a loser, right?
2019-01-23 19:51
whiny midget who does not have a goal in life which will propably get me unemployed and poor
2019-01-23 19:57
Mate, I just came in from outside where it's fucking over 45°c, I'm already roasted.
2019-01-24 03:55
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