I don't have a joke but your name is cool, best wishes for you to feel well :)
Your mom loves you.
MiBR will be champions on blast ⁀‿⁀
So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living.
He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but a single person died. Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was flown, sparks flew, and smoke filled the air - but nothing happened. The man was perfectly fine.
Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free. Somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train. Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon. Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people. The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution. For his final meal, the man requested two bananas. After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair. The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was once again unharmed.
Well, this of course meant that he was free to go. And once again, he somehow managed to get his old job back. To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people. And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death. On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal: three bananas.
"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat; we're strapping you in and doing this now." Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal. The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room - and the man was still unharmed. The executioner was speechless.
The man looked at the executioner and said, "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."
Stewie 1 major p1mple 0 major
So you know the old "If an ugly girl continuously flirts with you, just lie and tell her you are gay so she'll stop"? Yea, well I had a gay dude who wouldn't stop flirting with me. So I told him I was straight(lie). He simply said, "And that's what makes this so much fun", with a big smile on his face. fml
Taken from a video
"-Are you a CS:GO map?
- I.... what?
- Cuz you're de_licious"
why did the cum cross the road?
So there was a kid who always wanted to drive trains, and he got his wish when he was older. He loved trains so much he wanted to see how fast he could go. He ended up derailing and killing someone. The law for murder is death in his country so he got his last meal and asked for 1 banana then they put him on the electric chair. They turned it on, smoke filled the room but he was still sitting there, alive. So they didnt know what to do so they gave him his job back and let him go. Then he did it again killing 2 people. They put him in prison again and then he asked for 2 bananas before he got executed. They put him on the chair again, turned it on and smoke filled the room but he was still there. They still didnt know what to do so they let him go and gave him his job back. Then, it happened a third time, he derailed the train and killed 3 people. So the prison said ok screw the last meal just get in the chair. Thy threw the switch, smoke filled the room but he was STILL THERE. The guards asked him how he is still living and he said "it had nothing to do with the bananas, im just a bad conductor".
Multiple jokes here.
Just imagine a list of all the whiners that can't deal with Astralis being better than other teams so they bitch and/or make up shit about Astralis, all those on the list are jokes - sad ones, but still jokes.
there is chinese man sit on table
then he leave
and someone ask where he go
A boss was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said. "Your wife called, she wants her sign back!"
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN $200 ??"
astralis losing 16-2 to ence