This is a followup thread, continuing after this one I made like a week ago. Read it to have a better undertanding of my points:
Thanks a lot for bringing a lot of helpful feedback and advice again and I hope you'll enjoy and contribute here as well!
BASIC INFORMATION FOR NEW READERS:
I am an introvert and don't like being in a group of lots of people. I enjoy having between-4-eyes conversations the most as that is where I can properly open myself.
My priority with this girl IS NOT sex.
I'm 16 years old, average looking face and hairline, not muscular yet not fat, she's a 9/10 blonde cutie, same age.
MY MAIN THOUGHTS AND OBSERVATIONS SINCE THE #2 THREAD:
I realized quite a bunch of different things that have impacted my acting to her, and others as well, this week. Some points I am going to make here may disappoint you or make you hate me but I think I finally got it sort of right - at least partly and for the present.
After looking back at the history of the relationship between me and the girl, I spotted a bit of a pattern over those 3 - 4 years. It is extremely hard to verbally describe, but I immediately could see it in this:
Image a graph of function y = sin^2(x) + 1 - X axis is time and Y axis is something like a "relationship index" - positive index is a positive relationship, negative is negative. 0 means as neutral as it gets, ±1 means average friendship/animosity, 2 means a very positive/negative relationship. I hope you get it, didn't really know how to explain it. The graph looks so: gyazo.com/f8774f01deda3a3fc143262b6ed5be..
. Basically, I've "climbed up a bunch of these hills" and then went down to average, then back, so on. There always is something that breaks our really close friendship and pulls us apart a few inches or feet. Right now, I have no idea what is making this happen, why do we lose the level and then gain it again, but it is what it is.
The more and more I am with her, the more I feel like I am not even close to the top of the next hill. The height changes how she is growing up, changing what's valuable in her life, her view of the world. And mine too.
Next, I've actually seen like if it was all just in front of my eyes, how much we know about ourselves, each other. We have so much secrets together, information no one else has access to and would ever understand. I exactly know where she can't get sunburnt, what do her feet do when she's standing for too long, what are her bad habits, what has she done and no one else can know. She knows the same about me. It was mindblazing when we found out all of this. And it still is.
Considering all of this mentioned above, I more or less came to this conclusion - my inside self is telling me not to make her my girlfriend right now, and it is probably right. I think I am not ready after all, she maybe isn't as well, but I feel like I can't look at her as my girl. It's just not love yet, or not enough of love to cross the line. For now. My inner voice screams that the hill is still going upwards, there are heights to be reached, or I might even pass this one and climb up the next. I just feel like I am not in an ideal spot to make her my girlfriend, maybe make any girl my girlfriend right now. There is so much more factors to this assumption about my life, being busy, etc.
This all could like a lot like a loser music, a sound of defeat, not enough will to make a step, being scared, "being a pussy", as you'd like to say. A part of my mixed feelings is saying this too, it is getting smaller and smaller, though. As I am rethinking this, I see that it isn't a bad choice and I'll see how it goes.
I see how deep do the roots of our relationship's tree go and how much of nutrients they get there. Our bond is incredibly hard to break as of the present, and I will build upon that.
If you still say I am just scared, I can tell you - I was out only with her just today. That's the source of the most of the thoughts above. I didn't tryhard, we just had a great speech, laugh, hugs, touches and a tear or two as well realizing all of this together, at one place, like our mind joined. She gave me so many different signs there is so much more to reach with her that I actually think it's the best thing to do. I'll drop trying so hard in my mind, let my psychic chill out a bit about her, but slowly grind through next checkpoints and milestones with her.
I obviously haven't told her all my thoughts so explicitly, but she clearly got my point and indirectly agreed. It could be hard to understand from the POV of a reader, but she was clearly not disappointed that I didn't want to make some statement on being together as a boyfriend or girlfriend, in a form of kissing or so, and she acted like the highest point is ready for my grabs when I get up the hill. It will come naturally, it almost seems like.
And what happened during the week?
Everything about me and her was in a similar fashion, a bit of touching, a lot of laughing, conversing, doing our inside jokes and things, just enjoying ourselves as much as we could. She barely talked to the two guys mentioned in #2 thread, my worries about them dropped off, I feel in a comfort zone, so does she. From Monday till like two hours ago, it was noticeable how far did we go but how little it actually looks. There was a lot of going down the memory lane about us, but as well thinking about our future together, in some way.
I don't find it necessary to describe our talks and touches in detail anymore. Simply, if you read the previous threads, you must've gained sufficient imagination of what it could look like, just a little move forward on the hill, but a huge move in my mind and in hers, I hope.
I don't have any idea what time will bring to us, but I am open to its surprises. I'll just let it all flow, chill out a bit, do it all in a natural way, and the y = 2 point will come to me. I'm sure it'll go like that!
Most likely, I will not have a chance to see her until next Tuesday, therefore next thread will be delayed, maybe next weekend? I am not sure if this is the beginning of the end of my series, I feel like we'll go a bit slower and there won't be a lot to be shared with you guys. But if anything comes, you'll see a post pop up, sooner or later. Cheers!
What is your opinion on all of this? Do you think I made the right step or should I have tried to shot all my shots and hope something comes through? Let me know in the replies!
Thank you seven miles for helpful input, motivational comments, and anything senseful you'll come up with!
This is the third thread of this series.
This one is a followup thread to hltv.org/forums/threads/2025493/15-2-is-..
tldr #1 thread:
a 9/10 girl recently started talking to me a lot, touching me, telling her secrets, showing her cute belly etc. idk what to think and how to react
tldr #2 thread:
he started talking to other guys (worse than me imo) as well, not sure if in a friendly or a deeper way. She wanted me to rate her, talking about more intimate girl problem. She kept on touching me a lot, I rubbed her back but not really sure if she liked it, she acted surprised, not positive or negative. Then she positioned to get rubbed again and gave me the same reaction which was weird. I dont know how to progress and if she actually liked me touching her.
tldr #3 (THIS ONE) thread:
i took her out and realized a lot of things connected to our relationship. She gave me a bunch of sings that she is here for me and not for other guys she's started talking to a lot last week. I just need to go a bit further with her and she's open for me.
TLDR OF TLDR:
there is a girl (9/10) that kept giving me quite a bunch of signs that she likes me, tested me a lot and indirectly told me that she is open for me, we just need to get our relationship a bit deeper