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[18+] How do I let go?
halo | 
United States QastLe 
Introduction: For those who haven't seen me on the forums before, as I'm still relatively new, I'll give a quick description of myself. I'm a 21yo queer guy. I'm still somewhat in the closet IRL, mainly for the reason that I fear how this will affect my relationship with my family. I'm not religious anymore, but I was raised in a predominately Catholic environment(My parents just took us to whatever church they felt like going to on Sunday. Usually Catholic). I only ever feel comfortable being myself when my family and family friends are not around. One of my biggest fears is that something will happen to me, or someone will take a photo or video of me being myself, and that's how my family will find out. My problem: I haven't been able to sleep or eat like normal recently, and I am ~10kg underweight for my height(Sleeping ~3hrs and eating ~1500cal at most). As I said above, I was raised in a religious environment. I'm not religious anymore, but I would be lying if I said I didn't still believe. The main church I went to was very clear about homosexuality, and what my punishment will be in the end. I hated who I am, and still do. Anytime I was alone I would pray that God would cure me of my illness. The prayers alone did nothing. So I talked privately with priests. Still nothing. I saved up money for therapy after I turned 18(Didn't want my parents to know). It didn't change me. I tried running from my faith, but the beliefs won't leave me nor will the fear of eternal damnation. What I want and questions I need answered: I want to sleep. I don't want to hate myself anymore. I just wish I could stop believing in God and everything the church told me. Right now it seems like this isn't a realistic goal. If you are an atheist who was raised religious and truly believed at one point. Do those beliefs, and the fears that come with them, ever go away? How do you stop believing in someone or something you wish was never in your life? If you are LGBT and you faced a similar problem. How did you solve it? How can I be happy? TLDR: I was raised religious. I am queer and haven't told my family. I want to let go of my beliefs because they are making it hard to sleep, eat, and not hate myself. I don't know if it is possible. I've tried therapy, with no results. Please help. One last thing: I know this is a lot to ask for given the nature of this thread, but please don't insult each other. If you read something you disagree with, don't insult or criticize the person, give me your take in a different comment. Don't turn this into a battleground of beliefs and ad-hominems. I want help not hate. Forum Mods/Admins: I know I'm in no place to ask you for anything, but please don't delete this thread. I really need advice. I double checked the rules and the content of my post to make sure this doesn't break any rules. If people respond with hate towards me I can handle that. They are strangers on the internet. I understand if things get out of hand you will have to do what is necessary. If that means you have no choice but to delete it, I'm fine with that. I appreciate and respect everyone on site staff. Regardless of how this thread ends up looking, or if it gets deleted, or locked. I appreciate anyone who says something in an attempt to help. I hope you all have a fantastic day <3
2019-04-21 10:29
#1
Sosa | 
Europe wtfmen)) 
yes
2019-04-21 10:29
#2
God | 
Poland henlo 
just open ur hand wtf men
2019-04-21 10:29
#57
 | 
Norway Easy_for_FaZe 
+1
2019-04-21 16:25
i don't care
2019-04-21 10:30
realize that nothing last's and nothing is of big importance in this life. one day u will be forgotten just like that bam. even einstein will be forgotten in 50.000 years, nothing special. just go with the flow and focus on things that give u a feelgood feeling.
2019-04-21 10:33
#7
halo | 
United States QastLe 
I really don't think it's that easy, but thank you anyways. Have a good day 💜
2019-04-21 10:34
it is man, in reality this shit is all in your mind, remember back as kid when ur mind was not filled with 90% bullshit yet, u didnt know any of this stuff.
2019-04-21 10:36
#13
kennyS | 
France PaulST 
I agree. This is hard to you because you make it hard (QastLe). Unwind and try to let go of the stress (maybe meditate) and you'll feel better.
2019-04-21 10:37
so true, actually would trade anything to have a full clear mind. make up my own opinions no bullshitery from the media no bullshitery from family just your own way.
2019-04-21 16:16
#8
kennyS | 
France PaulST 
God said you should accept anyone and that all men are equal. "For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith." "The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”" Regarding physical health, try to exercise to sleep and eat more. Maybe lift weights or go running.
2019-04-21 10:35
#11
kennyS | 
France PaulST 
You don't have to let go of your beliefs to accept yourself. Also you can stay in the closet with your family, there is no need to rush things.
2019-04-21 10:36
#12
halo | 
United States QastLe 
Thank you for your take and advice 💜
2019-04-21 10:37
Actually my parents were both raised in a heavily religious environment - church every Sunday, praying before food etc. They are sexually "normal" - nonqueer, though. They told me they just started studying more and realizing how manipulative and untrue Christianity seems to be for them. How low are the odds something written in the Bible is real. And their belief was getting weaker and weaker, and now it's gone. Could seem pretty simple and not really helpful from your POV, but yeah, it's like this. Feel free to ask
2019-04-21 10:35
#16
halo | 
United States QastLe 
I know a lot of the beliefs don't make sense but I can't let go of them no matter how hard I try. They are there, in the back of my mind, taunting me and keeping me up at night. I feel like I'm running in place trying to get away from my demons, but every step forward I take I get dragged back. How do you combat that?
2019-04-21 10:42
Is it like you are afraid that the God will kill you or damage you in any way if you stop believing in him?
2019-04-21 10:47
#24
halo | 
United States QastLe 
I honestly don't know how to explain it very well. I don't know what I am afraid of, I'm just afraid. I don't know if that makes sense 😢
2019-04-21 10:54
Well, I see from your replies to my posts and from your post as well, you're a sensitive man. Nothing wrong with that. It's actually a good thing to be in many cases. My life is pretty short but I already found out that being sensitive isn't universally positive and it can make your life harder in certain scenarios. This is a bright example. Overcoming barriers and life problems is hard to be done if you're as sensitive, you're just too afraid to make a step towards a "controversial" path. I found myself in this situation countless times. For a first few situations like this I always brought someone to support me, help me in what I internally decided to do but couldn't in practice. You need to gain strength in your decisions, that's what I think you lack. Now I am kinda learnt to "man up" when I need to make a decision like this, but that only comes with practice, practice. Hope I haven't totally missed your point
2019-04-21 11:01
#32
halo | 
United States QastLe 
This actually made a lot of sense to me. Thank you 💜
2019-04-21 11:06
np! keep asking if you want to, i'll try to answer if I am able to :)
2019-04-21 11:06
#36
halo | 
United States QastLe 
You are a good person. I can't thank you enough. Have a great day 😊
2019-04-21 11:11
see ya
2019-04-21 11:11
#14
 | 
Croatia mds818 
You don't have to believe, it's your choice but perhaps if you looked at things from more objective pov rather than subjective you would understand and see some new perspectives in the world which you don't see right now. I understand how it is to be surrounded with religious people but you should stick your believing to yourself and let them think whatever they want... if they want from you to be religious so what be either way, they can't find out the truth. My pov on religion is simple: Ignore it. If there're 10 miracles that God did I can give 10 bad examples where he didn't do anything, for every example of good I can give an example of bad based on my real life experience so I'm not bothering with that stuff anymore. There's no one forcing you to do anything, if you're surrounded with people who judge you leave them, in my case I would rather leave my family then leave my girlfriend when my family is the problem and not her...(obviously im giving an example but you should understand the point) because sooner or later you have to wake up and start living on your own, with or without person that you love.. that should be a fairly easy choice. Can't help you about lgbt problem doe
2019-04-21 10:39
#18
halo | 
United States QastLe 
I don't want to believe, or at least the conscious side of my brain doesn't want to. I understand what you are saying though. Thank you 💜
2019-04-21 10:46
#19
 | 
Croatia mds818 
Then don't... simple as that
2019-04-21 10:46
i was raised religious and dont go to curch anymore cuz i really dislike what Curch stands for. I believe there is some greater good above us but not sure about the form. I dont have a felling that i will get punished for my sins and root in hell and even if fuck it. I dont really know how to stop believing you just have to have a good reason for it i guess which i think you do, maybe try to discuss it with some of your friends who are not religious before going to your parents
2019-04-21 10:40
#20
halo | 
United States QastLe 
Thank you for your input and advice 💜
2019-04-21 10:46
yes
2019-04-21 10:45
believing in god in 2019, smh
2019-04-21 10:48
#25
halo | 
United States QastLe 
I don't want to. I tell myself I don't believe, but I know in the back of my mind I do. How do I stop? 😢
2019-04-21 10:56
need more brain cells :/
2019-04-21 10:57
If you're actually serious, search up "Bible contradictions" (or any similar wording) and you will quickly realize just how many factual errors, weird (and outright inhumane) advices and incredibly improbable scenarios it contains. Additionally, ask yourself a few "common sense" questions. Who decides what's right and wrong and how does "God" know? Why does this "God" let bad people get away with shit all the time and allow good people to suffer? Why is it that we don't see these unfathomable miracles anymore? Why are there so many different religions preaching different gods? Surely, they can't all be real? Why, then, do we dismiss Greek gods and instead choose to believe in Allah, "The Lord" or Vishnu? There's no proof of any of them existing. They're all equally "real". The list goes on and on and all the answers and justifications religious people have produced over the years sound.....artificial and more like guessing, to be honest with you. I think these two should be enough to convince you that there's a very, very likely chance religion is just bullshit fabricated as a tool originally to make sense of the world but over time evolved into a means of controlling the masses.
2019-04-21 11:11
#40
halo | 
United States QastLe 
I know religion is full of factual inaccuracies and contradictions. I've sat alone for hours disputing belief after belief, but I can't get rid of some of them. I am very bitter towards religion, I can confidently say I hate my beliefs, but the idea of God just doesn't go away for me. I know that probably doesn't make sense. Thank for the advice though. I really do appreciate it. Have a good day 😊
2019-04-21 11:18
Hmm, that does sound odd. I think you should give it some time. Usually, it takes more than a few days (or even a few months) to completely reject your upbringing. But I still believe that realization is a powerful tool.
2019-04-21 11:20
#43
halo | 
United States QastLe 
I'll keep trying. Thank you 💜
2019-04-21 11:22
You're welcome 💜. And of course, remember that you don't have to live your life being "right" about everything. You can hold some "false" beliefs every now and then as well, but your life won't collapse because of it. None of us have the time to possibly educate ourselves fully on every imaginable topic. More importantly, your life (or you as a person, for that matter) is not defined by what you believe but what you do/your actions. Just my two cents.
2019-04-21 12:09
this the real problem right here lmfao
2019-04-21 11:02
The more you think about your problem - I mean, trying to solve it or just constantly seeking truth - the more you dig your own grave. You just have to let it go. You need strong substitution that carries you away and occupies as much of your time as possible. Try to find a hobby and become obsessed with it so that you won't even think about anything else
2019-04-21 11:00
#29
halo | 
United States QastLe 
Won't that just distract me from the problem, not fix it? I'll give it a try. I'm desperate at this point. Thank you 💜
2019-04-21 11:02
At first you will feel distracted, but sooner or later a day will come when you completely forget about that problem and you would even laugh how silly you were back then
2019-04-21 11:03
#34
 | 
Faroe Islands iamsofancy 
Bro, as unimaginable it may sound you need to speak to your parents otherwise it's gonna eat you from the inside. I can't promise that everything will work out but I can't think of any other scenario than this. My parents told me once that If I was gay they would accept and love me the same way and I believe that ! They wouldn't say such thing 10 years ago and I can see that they are changing and it's not only them, a lot of people have started to develop their believs and they opened their eyes on religion and can see what a big bunch of lies it is. Before you "come out" check the ground, ask your parents few questions like how they feel about homosexuality etc maybe they have changed too or at least they are in transition. Nonetheless, Good luck pal and keep your head up. Remember that you're beautiful how you are.
2019-04-21 11:08
#35
halo | 
United States QastLe 
Maybe one day I'll have the courage to tell them. Thank you for this 💜
2019-04-21 11:09
You really just need to be honest with them. Tell them everything you just told us. That you already tried everything, wished it weren't this way, but it is. If they can't accept it and would rather see their child be unhealthy from the stress, that's their fault.
2019-04-21 11:16
#42
halo | 
United States QastLe 
I love my family too much. Being disowned would destroy me. I know you are right, but I don't have the courage to do it just yet. Thank you for the advice. Have a good day 😊
2019-04-21 11:20
If you love them that much, they should love you the same then and understand. No one would want someone they love deeply to suffer, especially their whole life.
2019-04-21 11:51
What I am hearing in your post, you are not quite okay about it yourself. That might be the first thing to focus on. I'm not sure about your parents, you might consider them the part of the solution (in case they would be accepting) or you might try to avoid them (in case it would make matters worse) until you have your own doubts settled. You cannot get rid of your beliefs, you simply believe what you believe. I used to be quite a devout Christian myself, however I got out of the beliefs on the rational level. It took couple of years of searching, but I am now much happier and content with myself then ever before. I don't think you necessarily need to throw away Christianity altogether. I would rather at first focus on those parts that are opposing you as a human being. I think you've already understood you cannot get rid of your homosexuality. You did not choose it, none of this is your fault. Why would a loving God ever do this to you? Wasn't Jesus the one who was always embracing the sinners, drunks, prostitutes? Even when I was still a Christian, I became to kind of hate the apostle Paul and the parts of the bible which were authored by him. In my opinion, the point of Jesus was to get rid of all the stupid laws, prejudice, and the focus on the outer appearance/explicit behavior. Most of what Jesus said/did was inclusive, not exclusive. And then Paul wrote to churches all sort of forbidding and legal stuff that in my mind kind of got Christianity back to the crap. I think in the new testament there is one or two instances where Paul is rejecting homosexuality, both in the context of him hearing about some (in his eyes) awful things happening in the churches he helped to start. He was kind of setting up the new rules for them, as he was probably panicking and did not really know what to do. It might not be really Paul's fault that those letters made it to the Bible, however any sensitive and IQ>90 Christian must understand that such context-dependent statements about a thing that was absolutely out of the ordinary of the author's point of view does not really translate into today's context, and they are in no way sacred instructions that today's society. Actually in very similar (if not the same) letter to some church Paul is writing that it is disgraceful for woman not to cover her hair during a service. How many churches in the US do require this? There are already many churches that are embracing homosexuality. Even the pope Francis is quite revolutionary and the catholic church is having a discussion about this (which might be way too long and difficult, as there are way too many in-closet homosexuals in the leadership and they would never accept that their abstinence was not necessary). I think what you should do is find some churches, authors, people in the Christian world that are already on your side. There might even be sites or communities dedicated to this whole problem. Find them, connect to people, talk about it with them. Learn as much as you can about what the Bible actually say about it and in which context. Learn about what Bible is actually saying about eternal damnation (there are four different interpretations of what "hell" means, and eternal hell fire is only one of them, others are much better and I really don't understand how any Christian today still be sane and believe in hell, it's such a nonsense). My point is, face your fears. Don't let it get you. Be brave, be proactive. You can do it. At last, when you get your peace, gain some good arguments and feel comfortable, you can then tell your parents. It should not be such a hard deal then. They might not understand your world, but they will understand you're part of theirs (I love this one :D) youtube.com/watch?v=UfirDeP240Q Good luck and thanks for sharing!
2019-04-21 12:05
Wait till you can move out, then go full gay, going full gay before might have a negative impact on your life, it sucks, but that's how it is - move far away from that weird queerphobic environment as fast as you can, any environment that looks down upon things like that is bound to be inherently toxic. It's not you there's something wrong with, it's your environment.
2019-04-21 12:14
I never was religious, not even a believer in a higher consciousness, although I don't consider the latter impossible to exist. The only thing that I can think of which may alter your beliefs are convincing arguments. Now just keep in mind that I'm not going to argue against God, but against God depicted in a religious way, which seems to be what you currently believe in if I understood correctly. Here I go: The Bible, or any such book for that matter, supposedly contains the word of God conveyed to us human beings if I'm not mistaken. But don't you think it's presumptuous to assume that any one finite being can know the word of an allmighty being? Isn't it incredibly conceited to believe that the human race does somehow stand above all others despite being made up of mostly Hydrogen, Oxygen and Carbon just like any other living being? My point being, how can anyone so confidently spout the words of this supposed God, when merely presuming to know his word is a sin already. Wouldn't that be very contradictory, a believer conceited enough to believe themselves chosen by God to convey his words. This in my opinion is already enough proof that religions and what they preach are just utter made up nonsense to give people as a reason to continue living, to keep them modest back when they might have rebelled against the church. Another way to look at it would be this: What kind of a pathetic God would need to tell his creations that they must have no one standing besides God. That would imply that this God is insecure and jealous, quite the imperfection for a supposed perfect being. Don't get me wrong, anyone can believe what they want, but if you don't want to believe anmore you just have to realize that the religious construct is contradictory and thus it cannot be true. This construct falls down on the simple assumption to "know" anything. Now, I know that my words won't be enough to make you stop believing in religion, such a thing doesn't happen overnight. I don't even know how effective what I wrote was or if it makes sense to you, but in any case, if you want to free yourself from religion, comtemplate these and other arguments again and again, everyday. But don't just consider our side of coin, do not indoctrinate yourself, otherwise you're no better than any orthodox religious person who doesn't even listen to the opposition's arguments. To completely destroy the opposite side, in this case your religious belief, you need to fully understand it, infiltrate it and then come to your own conclusion, which hopefully will be one similar to what I wrote. And remember, for every day you fail, there's still a next day, for as long as you live. As for your other issues, I cannot really say anything that hasn't been said already. I'm only good at thinking rationally and contemplating philosophical concepts, I'm sure others here can help you more than I can, but I'd feel honored for any contribution I might have made to free your mind so that you can make your own choices and live a happy life. I hope this helped, and feel free to ask anything. I reply within a day, always.
2019-04-21 12:24
its 2019, grow the fuck up nobody cares if you are gay or not and even if some people do why do you even care... live your own life
2019-04-21 12:27
Brother, I can't say that I know what you are going through, but the God that you believe is the same God who died for you. God loves you regardless of how you are. It's easy to talk, I know, and in the Bible it says it's a sin, but stealing, lying, and more stoff are also a sin, and that's not why you'll be condemned, good luck brother. You are a strong man
2019-04-21 12:30
As Barney Stinson once said and let me quote 'You can't get over a woman Until you can no longer picture her boob's. It's a scientific fact. The average male brain Can only store a finite number Of boob images or Jpeg's (...). They won't go away Until you overwrite Them with Other women's boobs. ' If this works with women maybe it works with God. Good luck
2019-04-21 12:40
If i can't sleep at night i usually go to the gym Opened 24/7 and after i sleep like a little baby. I got as well underweight as well but i think its caused by lower amount of activity and you need to increase caloric demand
2019-04-21 16:22
#56
hippien | 
Finland uncel 
didnt even read it all but i expect your problems to be some horseshit. take a shower and go to bed. tomorrow go to your workplace
2019-04-21 16:24
sup yall, its me... its your Boy the undefeated hltv Chess Champion heres some advice from a bisexual guy: - tell your Family About it as soon as youre able to live on your own... if they cant live with it, leave them be... you shouldnt be around People that dont accept homosexuality as it will drive you mad being torn between your love for them and their hate for your true nature - dont think About eternal hellfire and stuff like that… this might Sound half-hearted since im an agnostic and never believed, but you have to see that the bible is humanmade and from a time where morals/values were significantly Closer minded than now… and even if this eternal hellfire would exist and gays would go there after their life in sin (omegakappa) theres Nothing you can do About it anymore, youre already gay mate :D so literally Zero use in worrying About it - get off your unhealthy Habits asap, eat healthy and enough, do some Sports, try some light Supplements if you really cant get any Sleep (even though i think with a good diet and Training-Regimen you will Sleep like a Baby) - never stop loving yourself, never blame yourself for your true nature… - never Forget that the undefeated hltv Chess Champion is your friend, we may be seperated by thousands of kilometres, but im still here for you through the power of the hltv Forums and i think that youre a great guy who deserves happiness :) - the undefeated friend
2019-04-21 16:32
Christianity was based on Jesus' teachings. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I am pretty sure Jesus doesn't talk about homosexuality being wrong. What he does talk about however is loving yourself and the people around you. You can be queer and still hold on to your beliefs. But you shouldn't hide your true self, that's not healthy.
2019-04-21 16:34
#60
 | 
France goulou_0 
I have no advice for you but good luck bro.
2019-04-22 10:52
#61
Poland joeb 
2019-04-22 10:54
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