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Socializing Question
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United States BubbleFlames(BestNaUser) 
I am trying to figure out exactly where my weaknesses lie when it comes to socializing. A few years ago, I was more "awkward." If someone asked me a simple question, I would scuff up the answer, mix up my words, not make eye contact, etc. Also I would (unintentionally) be rude. For example, someone says how are you and I don't ask them back. Nowadays, if someone approaches me, I can look them in the eyes, answer and communicate clearly, etc. I still cannot banter, make jokes, add "friendliness" to the conversation, and so on. But I can appear confident, which is progress from a few years ago. A few of my other flaws: -I am not good at "walk-by" conversations. If someone is walking past me and they say "Hi, how are you?" I have about 3 seconds before they are out of earshot to respond. It will take me 5 seconds for my usual response of "Hey, I'm good, how are you?" I do not know what to do, so I end up morphing "Hey, I'm good, how are you?" into a incomprehensible respond. -I cannot wave or raise my voice to talk to people. A few weeks ago at church, a girl (not church girl btw) said "Hi Noah," and I was only able to smile at her and look away. She thinks I ignored her, but in reality, she made two mistakes. First, I was standing with my family. I do not speak to people outside my family, when I am around my family. Also, the girl was 5~ feet away, so I would have had to raise my voice slightly in order to respond to her saying hello to me. Also many times in the past, girls will wave to me or dudes will nod at me, and I cannot respond. Recently, my head nod has improved, but my wave is still unacceptable. -I obviously cannot approach people without purpose. If you approach someone, it is natural that you should be the one to lead the conversation. Therefore I cannot approach people, because I cannot lead the conversation.
2019-10-20 23:39
Topics are hidden when running Sport mode.
There is not actually a question.
2019-10-20 23:40
#3
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Korea ARBOGA 
Just greet then or do an alpha ground stare
2019-10-20 23:40
#4
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Estonia MC_Ride 
why do you not talk to people outside of your family when you are around your family all else is normal but this just seems autistic (no flame)
2019-10-20 23:42
#5
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Korea ARBOGA 
i do the same, respect thy family
2019-10-20 23:43
#6
acid | 
Estonia MC_Ride 
does your family feel disrespected when you say hi to a friend?
2019-10-20 23:44
#9
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Korea ARBOGA 
yeah
2019-10-20 23:45
Why?
2019-10-20 23:46
#13
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Korea ARBOGA 
they don't believe in friends
2019-10-20 23:47
I feel bad for you then. :(
2019-10-21 00:34
Exactly, completely normal, doesn't equal staying with that friend and leave your parents/family behind
2019-10-20 23:46
I do not know. I just find my family and everyone else in the world to be incompatible. It is more that I don't want my family to listen to me talk to a friend than it is not wanting a friend to listen to me talk to my family.
2019-10-20 23:45
Maybe he acts differently when he is with family and when he is with friends and when they two meet up together he doesn´t know how to act.
2019-10-22 19:32
Easy first step. Clean your head from all the church bullshit you put into it.
2019-10-20 23:44
Logically, church bullshit should be believed.
2019-10-20 23:46
Brainwashed and delusional.
2019-10-20 23:48
Belief in God: God is real = Infinite Gain (Heaven) God is not real = Insignificant Loss Disbelief in God: God is real = Infinite Loss (Hell) God is not real = Insignificant Loss
2019-10-20 23:51
#16
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Estonia MC_Ride 
good old pascals wager but many flaws in that theory for example what if you go to heaven if you dont believe? already chances split by half
2019-10-20 23:55
Interesting stuff
2019-10-21 00:00
#18
acid | 
Estonia MC_Ride 
i agree
2019-10-21 00:01
#1 - You dont need to wait 5 secs b4 responding to seem cool, just look at the person, wait a sec and respond in the appropiated tone/body language which will depend on who youre talking to. dont stop if they dont stop first or if you dont have something specific in mind to talk with the person #2 - Raise your fucking voice and talk to ppl even if your family is around(wtf) #3 - To lead an interaction just think about where this interaction needs to go, and if you have a clear direction use the social skills youre acquiring to go that way. Some PPL will try to also lead the conversation and thats OK: respect their input but dont be affraid to cut them when you feel like you need to impose rhythm and content. Not sure why you think you need to lead all social situations you put yourself into, but my guess is that you feel like you want to lead them and that makes you insatisfied
2019-10-21 00:28
Sounds like you're overthinking it, I know because I used to do the same thing. Everyone has flaws in their personality, but you shouldn't pick yourself apart. Spending time socialising is the only way to improve
2019-10-22 22:41
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