out of everyone in the family, I dealt with the loss best... It made my grandmother go into retirement early, really changed her- they do say, there is nothing worse than outliving your children... so it doesn't come as a surprise. My relationship with my dad wasn't the best, I hate to say it... it really kills me, but it felt like I lost him before he even died. I try to only remember the good times we had together, the laughs we shared and all that stuff. The worst mistake you can make with these ordeals is thinking in retrospect, what you could have done better... how even the simplest of words, actions or acts of compassion can determine whether someone lives or dies... because the truth is, if we all said and did more- he could still be here today but the fact of the matter is, hes not and all you can realistically take away is a painful lesson. I am not not that emotional, so I deal with it, though yeah, it is painful sometimes if you manage to think yourself into a rabbit hole.