"Didn't expect to hear from an actual psychologist on hltv haha"
I'm an expert in psychology but I refuse to be of one in profession because I strongly feel and believe professional help/psychotherapy should not be charged ludicrous amounts of money for, it should be free as mental health is extremely commonplace in the world of today. I've helped loads of people as best as I can and I won't charge a single penny for it because I feel it unnecessary. I understand all professions need be to paid but it's the reason why it's not official, I just know everything there is to know about it.
"Actually the thing isn't that I don't have friends and family, without sounding braggy, I've actually got a lot of friends, If I wasnt completely drunk I would've propably written this post better, was just feeling really down (and drunk) when I wrote it
Its more just that I've got this constant feeling of lonelyness - not especially in case of general friendships, more like friends I can really trust and especially a partner - also due to the physical aspect. I'd be afraid to openly talk about many things with most of my friends as I know they'd just instantly tell everyone and people would end up making fun of me etc.
Along the topic of a partner, as stated I've always been rejected by the girls I was interested in or approached. The times girls approached me I often rejected them bc I was stuck thinking of other girls or was afraid that my friends wouldn't find them "good enough", especially lookwise and they'd make fun of me - so I got stuck up not trusting my friends, being afraid of asking new people out bc of fear of rejection and reject those who want me bc of those friends I don't trust much"
There is a lot of trepidation in your actions... always putting others before yourself. Which is not a bad thing at all, but sometimes life requires you to be selfish from time-to-time... Wanting a partner to spend and share the rest of your life with is deeply humbling and I can only wish the best for you on that endeavour. :) I truly believe there is a person out there for everybody and eventually you'll find that right person to spend life with. This is going to seem egregious and I apologise for it, but if you have such reluctance with your friends are they really your friends? True friends would back you up no matter the decision made, obviously within moral context; but seeking out a potential mate or girlfriend shouldn't be the topic of jest, it should be treated in a way friends do and do not do.
Rejection is a way of life, I'm afraid. It's the worlds way of telling us to move on and try again elsewhere. Feeling lonely necessarily isn't a bad thing and rejection shouldn't be the cause of loneliness, it should be endearing and provide some positive encouragement.
Do you look in the mirror at yourself often?
Do you give yourself any positive encouragement whatsoever?
Can you name or describe anything positive about yourself?
What unique skills or traits do you have?
There are almost 8 billion people in the world of today and each and every one of them, including yourself, is unique and individualistic in every single way. :) The quirks and traits are a sign of this and mistakes, rejections and loneliness only make us human alike the rest of the world. I know the context you provided was in that of a drunken-state of mind, but I think the thought is there and it's crying out to be heard.
"Thought of maybe getting professional help, would you recommend it? Was always quite afriaid of the costs, got a quick test by my health insurance company which result was that I was propably suffering from severe depression and should get treatment"
I'm afraid I'm unaware of any free-psychological treatment in Germany (going by your flag as accurate) but the best place to start is your local GP. They can provide therapeutic treatments and even offer up some free CBT self-help services for you.
You should never be afraid of who you are and you should only accept you are a brilliant, unique human being who simply wants to be loved by a vital soulmate like every mammal in the world of today. :)