Seek help brother, there is medicine for u :)
depression, also reading is shit either way.
I have practiced islam and that helped. I use to be so insecure and sad, but now I’m happy.
advice: go out and try new things (even though you might look back at them as being "negative", at least you tried). Go to new places and creative new life stories and adventures.
and yes you only live once, so seek help for your mental health issues as soon as possible, Talk to your doctor about it. you owe it to yourself. Life is too short to be like this for years at that young age.
I have been there listening to music and taking long walks at nature helped me a lot and friends and family of course and having a dog which would listen to me and be my emotional support when I felt so lonely it broke my heart when I had to move to another city and leave it back there
Trekking with friends has been really helpful also
it is not your fault. it is the surroundings. Try to isolate yoursef from the internet, tv, movies books and things alike and if you can people as well. Your dopamine receptors are oversaturated and seek passive stimulation all the time, be it content, or sex or videogames or anything else. It is hard at the beginning but after a few days you will begin to hear your own mind and will see that you life is for yourself and need to output your energy and mind to something you believe in.
This is common problem with young people today. World of 5 minute YouTube videos, few second TikTok videos. So basically modern society has fcked your brain.
Disconnecting from most of the social media stuff improves things, but getting a longer attention span can take years. You are too used to this fast-paced world, so it's hard to fix.
It's not impossible to distract me, but it's not hard either.