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(serious) lowest point in your life
BigDog | 
France dog_player 
whats the lowest you've ever gotten in life? and how did you manage to climb back up agian, if that's the case?
2021-04-19 16:13
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university with 0 motivation basically this but also other parts of life are the best ever so idk really
2021-04-19 16:14
12 replies
University with 0 motivation is lowest you've ever gotten in life?
2021-04-19 16:18
11 replies
somewhat, but also it has been the best part of my life in some aspects so idk
2021-04-19 16:21
you have no idea how hard it is for some people to wake up in the morning and go out there in life. im not claiming this is some insane thing or something, i get that its privilged to even be able to go to a university with food on the table everyday, but have some respect and understanding because its different for everyone. also i know u wasnt talking with me, but i just felt like commenting because ive been there.
2021-04-19 16:26
9 replies
I know everything about how hard it sometimes is to get yourself up in the morning and try to find even a little motivation to cointinue your day as I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, i’m just amazed because for some people, going to university with 0 motivation is the lowest point in their life which is an amazing thing and i’m happy for him that he didn’t have struggles with other things
2021-04-19 16:33
8 replies
Maybe that 0 motivation is a sign of depression. I personally have developed a terrible sleeping schedule during corona, because I get way too little sun light since my room is in the basement and I struggle to find motivation to go outside. I am constantly exhausted, even 10 hours of sleep make me feel tired, I struggle to focus, I skip most of my lectures, I eat incredibly irregular and I just feel like trash. I am deprived of social interaction and just want this corona shit to be over with because I am literally suffocating in my room.
2021-04-19 17:11
7 replies
It actually is one of signs of depression,
2021-04-19 17:15
I truly advise you not to sleep 10 hours a day. That's a huge issue. You don't necessarily have to go to bed early (although that would be better), but at least try to sleep for the same length every day or wake up the same time every day. I can go to work whenever I want but I still arrive at work roughly 7:30 every day.
2021-04-19 19:26
2 replies
I am really trying believe me, I go to bed at 1 am sometimes and set my alarm for 9 am. I snooze it once and wake up at 1 pm, I have a headache, I feel dizzy, but most of all I feel shame, guilt that I again failed to seize the day. That I missed yet another lecture. I do not think I can return to normality unbtil life itself does. Thank you for your concern though
2021-04-19 20:30
1 reply
I usually don't sleep one night and make it through the next day until an hour I deem normal to go to bed to (say 12am). No naps, no nothing, it usually helps. Try ASMR, it helps me fall asleep super fast. I've been there so many fucking times, I know how it is, I failed one university year because I was living alone and I couldn't, for the life in me, wake up to attend my courses.
2021-04-22 02:59
can relate, sadly
2021-04-19 19:50
2 replies
I might get vaccinated soon through my mother, maybe that is my light at the end of the tunnel, I trust you will find yours too. Good luck brother, keep your head and spirit up.
2021-04-19 20:30
1 reply
we are in this together, hopefully the suffering is gonna end soon
2021-04-19 22:21
#4
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Reunion Esquinox
rn I'd say
2021-04-19 16:15
3 replies
hope you get better man
2021-04-19 17:16
hope you get better man
2021-04-19 21:08
#260
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Armenia Yerevan
hope you get better man
2021-04-20 16:10
when i lost my mm rank and once i got it back it was master guardian 1
2021-04-19 16:15
2 replies
rough bro
2021-04-19 16:16
#12
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Brazil vittj2
felt that
2021-04-19 16:19
Getting panick and anxiety attacks everyday and wanting to kill my self. Good times 👍
2021-04-19 16:18
7 replies
#15
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Brazil vittj2
i had that bro, its like u gonna die right? get some professional help its all psychological anyway
2021-04-19 16:20
6 replies
Yeah sortta like that. I got therapy afterwards and it’s all good now.
2021-04-19 16:58
5 replies
I know this sounds incredibly simplistic, but if you have a panic atack try to focus on getting your breathing under control, hyperventilation is really bad and only makes your anxiety worse, because you feel like you can't breathe. I had a girlfriend who suffered anxiety attacks and I made her a memo to play when she got an anxiety attack, so she could be calmed by my voice and we could slow her breathing "Together", maybe get someone you are close with and who calms you to do the same thing for you?
2021-04-19 17:13
2 replies
Well yeah I sorta did some breathing exercises and tried to control that and eventually I got a handle on it. Like I said it’s much better now and I’m in a good place. Ty for the support though <3
2021-04-20 09:33
1 reply
Glad to hear, best of luck to you.
2021-04-20 09:54
Great men) Help spread the word. There's no shame on seeking professional help. Much love
2021-04-19 18:13
1 reply
Thanks mens <3
2021-04-20 09:33
I thought about missing an important math exam I hadn't learned for by injuring myself once. After 10s I realized how dumb that was and thought I could fake an injury and after another 30s I thought fuck it, learned 1 subject on a 30min bus drive and freestyled the rest of the exam and managed to barely pass. Problem is I still procrastinate sometimes when I have something important coming up, but always seem to manage it just barely.
2021-04-19 16:19
3 replies
Try to get a good mark once, you will feel better. It's good that you can manage but I always think that if I've already sat down to do something, might as well do it as best as I can.
2021-04-19 16:44
2 replies
Thats what I did in my last year, because it was made clear to us that as long as you pass all the other years nothing will show in your last report. Got good grades and now have a good graduation report. The story was in year 10 about 5 years ago so I've learned quite a bit since then, but procrastinating stuff is still a bad habbit.
2021-04-19 16:58
1 reply
I don't think I can get rid of procrastination either bro haha. Good to hear you made it
2021-04-19 18:13
coL losing a 11-4 lead on overpass vs NIP in pro league
2021-04-19 16:20
1 reply
lmao this is so true
2021-04-19 16:21
#20
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North America Yurkn
getting addicted to bad things such as porn and struggling with friends and what my purpose was, I found a girl who I love with all my heart and she helped me get out of my hole I found myself in
2021-04-19 16:26
2 replies
nice eding to a story. i'm happy for u mens)))
2021-05-08 19:46
1 reply
#293
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North America Yurkn
Thank you :)
2021-05-09 17:27
every day is the new lowest point in my life
2021-04-19 16:34
When Gambit won EPL
2021-04-19 16:36
selling Ethereum when it hit ~1400 -_- and how did i manage to climb back? Entirely I haven't, but bought more Ethereum at the discount last month when it dropped once again to around 1450-1500
2021-04-19 16:44
1 reply
I sold much much earlier (below 100) :D no need to feel bad about it if you made profit :p
2021-04-19 16:44
losing 10k in 2 weeks which i make from 60$ in 2 months
2021-04-19 16:40
When I was in the 7th grade and had mid grades and was mid at everything else. Realized that, started putting effort into things and life became a lot better.
2021-04-19 16:42
end of 2019 to start of 2021 OCD (germaphobia) brother came into room 1 day and sat on my bed to do something with wifi then i wonder how do i wash bed again and i realize whatever
2021-04-19 16:42
I am on may way to 0 now
2021-04-19 16:45
#33
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Australia cl_brain0
lost fiancee + best mate (ran off together) and job, 6 months later no savings and drug addiction
2021-04-19 16:48
8 replies
damn
2021-04-19 16:51
Fucking hell that is the roughest so far.
2021-04-19 17:00
jesus christ
2021-04-19 17:38
#140
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Finland kalza1
hope ur doing better by now man
2021-04-19 18:42
2 replies
#258
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Australia cl_brain0
going fine now mate cheers, time heals
2021-04-20 15:10
1 reply
#265
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Finland kalza1
Good shit
2021-04-20 19:05
wtaf
2021-04-19 19:57
#276
TBD | 
Hong Kong DG84
losing fiance is one thing but if you're losing both cuz they ran toghether is like double backstab
2021-05-08 19:23
I'd say right now tbh. My life has been fairly easy so far. I've had basically no mental issues so far and everything has been going smooth. However, this corona pandemic is really starting to affect me personally. I basically have had no social interaction for the past year. Also, due to the pandemic I was forced to break off my minor in Mexico, which made me so unmotivated, to the point where I will probably have to quit university right now and I have no idea what to do with my life if I have to quit...
2021-04-19 16:51
When i lost 500 elo in 2 weeks
2021-04-19 16:51
4 replies
ez life u have
2021-04-19 16:55
3 replies
no man i was level 9 for 2 weeks bro
2021-04-19 16:55
2 replies
did u not see the title
2021-04-19 16:56
1 reply
it is serious
2021-04-19 16:58
Lung collapse, reanimation, half a year of recovery after that
2021-04-19 16:56
2 replies
Hope everything is well now men))
2021-04-19 17:27
1 reply
Yeah, it is okay now. And now i know for sure that if u feel sick, you should always call an ambulance asap - it's better to look like a fool than die because of your ego xD
2021-04-19 18:17
Besides being a grown ass man commenting and daily reading teen posts on a almost 20 yo site bringing news about stuff I am way too old to care about, it was back in my teens realising my gf was pregnant and was going to go through with it. Getting drunk alone and going places you should not be isn't something you should be proud of. Hell, nothing I could do about it and a few months later I found my future wife and got some additional kids after seeing most of the world :)
2021-04-19 16:56
#42
nope | 
Finland zntei
right fucking now
2021-04-19 16:57
Rn
2021-04-19 17:04
did a internship based on university recommendation. basically i only can choose from university list and then after i join there's so much sketchy stuff, facility remind me of russian internet cafe, we used our laptop and in that place, there are just intern people and it's only six people. we develop some project and there are so many problem like very bad system, the supervisor couldn't handle us and didn't do anything. also some of my teammates isn't very good so the schedule getting messed up. it's just so bad and if i quit, i will wait for one year to do internship again. after i finish internship and graduated, it's very hard to find a job because my internship experience is weird and bad, and also covid stuff. luckily, this year i just got a job and i'm very happy with that
2021-04-19 17:10
Losing a whole bunch from betting. So yeah, right now actually is the lowest i can get i think
2021-04-19 17:18
2 replies
How much money dis u lose?
2021-04-19 17:22
1 reply
Well the point is more that is hard to stop and i dont have alot of money left
2021-04-19 17:23
I have seen a few people say the same, but uni with no motivation right now. With everything being online, I don't even get out much either. I haven't been moving much since I am on the computer most of the day for school and hobbies so my body has been hurting. I have had a lot of pain both mentally and physically. Only hope left really is to turn things around during summer to try and find some passion again. Hope everyone else on this thread, if they are in a dark place, can find their way out.
2021-04-19 17:20
4 replies
ty u2
2021-04-19 17:23
1 reply
<3
2021-04-19 17:28
As an older than average in HLTV what I can say is: there are no rules for life. You dont need to "be graduated at X age" or you're a failure. Everyone has a different rythmn for those things. And no one is forced to follow what they studied the first time, if later you realize it isnt what you want, use it to fund your next aspiration. Everything will be fine.
2021-04-19 17:46
1 reply
Thank you for the advice. I always try to tell myself to just keep pushing, no matter how hard it gets. I get down on myself when I don’t give school as much effort as I should. Your kind words mean a lot, I will remember them. I hope life treats you well, much love <3
2021-04-19 17:59
#61
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Brazil ghcnvbkn
im pretty young, so i don't think there has been a low point on my life yet
2021-04-19 17:24
2 replies
not sure if optimism or pessimism
2021-04-19 17:34
1 reply
#283
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Brazil ghcnvbkn
i think im optimist, not sure though :P
2021-05-08 19:40
Bad case of back pain fucking up further my depression (diagnosed)
2021-04-19 17:26
4 replies
wasup mans?
2021-04-19 17:33
3 replies
No much, both under control now. But it was a hard 1.5 year.
2021-04-19 17:34
2 replies
it sucks man i found ltrly just being outside and being active helped alot, keeps the mind busy best of luck, dm if u need to talk )
2021-04-19 17:35
1 reply
Thanks, I appreciate men))))
2021-04-19 17:37
#65
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United States Flyin69er
Rolled my car while drunk and went to jail in 2015
2021-04-19 17:30
1 reply
for how long?
2021-05-08 19:34
In late summer of 2019, I moved in with my grandparents to take care of them.or so been kinda tough, I watched my Nana pass away and I saw her a day before and everything was fine and then I don’t know what happened. Then a month later, I watched my dog pass away on my birthday, so that wasn’t a fun bday lol but she passed away unexpectedly as well. And then as things start to seem or get somewhat better, my granddad went into the hospital because he fell and couldn’t move his legs and I couldn’t pick him up so I called 911 and he died 15 days later, the last time I saw him was as he was being loaded into the ambulance and I was told everything was going to be fine, it would only be a few days. Seems like nothing gets better, only worse. At least my grandparents are in a better place now, they were married for 62 years before she passed so I couldn’t imagine how my granddad felt without her around.
2021-04-19 17:31
5 replies
That's rough man. Sorry your granddad had to be in the hospital. About your grandma, it's the circle of life. She passed peacefully. Don't regret a thing, you did your best.
2021-04-19 17:36
1 reply
Yeah it’s just shitty. Things been going downhill since 2019. Appreciate it though brotha.
2021-04-19 18:30
#86
shox | 
United Kingdom Kmatty
You are very strong bro, hope nothing but good fortune comes your way in the future. 62 years together is a dream of a life :)
2021-04-19 17:43
1 reply
Yessir it is, 62 years together is a dream of life. Sad how it’s rare majority of marriages don’t last that long nowadays. People give up too easily now. I appreciate it though man thank you 😎
2021-04-19 18:31
It’s very common for couples to die around the same time. It’s sad, but thank you for sharing.
2021-04-19 18:36
#74
shox | 
United Kingdom Kmatty
Right now actually. Lost my job then my stepdad died while we were on bad terms , my dog died 2 weeks later from a seizure in my arms and then this past week my girlfriend of 4 years told me she doesn't want the same things as me and she's going off to travel for 2 years
2021-04-19 17:36
5 replies
stay hard bro🤍
2021-04-19 17:53
2 replies
#98
shox | 
United Kingdom Kmatty
much love man, just trying to take it all on the chin and get back into working
2021-04-19 17:57
erect?
2021-04-19 18:30
Where she gonna travel first during these corona times?
2021-04-19 18:59
1 reply
Nowhere imo, its a pipe dream influenced by her friends
2021-04-19 20:34
Got sexually assaulted during my nurse formation (im a male dont dm me) I was in a shitty mindset i tried to breakup with my gf but didn't even manage that as she convinced me otherwise, my cat died and my grandpa died from cancer, all that in 15 days. Couldn't get out of bed, couldn't face my friends or my school buddies, started doing drugs. Couldn't talk to my parents either, worst of all i stopped playing cs. i started small projects and promised to myself i would finish everything i planned on doing (that part was really difficult but really was essential) and idk how or when, but i got out of it. Funny and sad story: my turning point was when i randomly found the 'stop it, get some help' meme at 2 am was i was about to smoke weed. Next morning i booked an appointment with a psychologist. Never touched that shit again and never felt so alive since
2021-04-19 17:39
5 replies
Inspiring story. Congrats, men)))
2021-04-19 17:47
strong mind u got bro
2021-04-19 17:57
#101
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United Kingdom Waps2k
thank you mr jordan
2021-04-19 18:02
memes make us stronger
2021-04-19 20:11
another weak willed person mens))))
2021-05-10 11:16
browsing hltv daily
2021-04-19 17:39
1 reply
felt that
2021-04-19 17:49
So to start, I should mention that my parents are kind of awful people. Both of them used and dealt loads and loads of illicit substances, like the hardest stuff, and I'm pretty sure one of them murdered someone and got away with it on sheer luck, and they were both abusive as hell in their own way to me and my four younger siblings. One day, when I was 16ish, my parents found out that I was dating someone who was the same sex as me, and they beat the ever living hell outta me and threw me out of the house. I remember it being like near freezing temps that day and I only had a sweater. I kinda vowed to myself never to return, but I didn't know what to do from there. I started by just getting far away. I walked/hitchhiked to the next city over from me and spent the night in a motel near where my SO lived and basically vowed to live life on my own terms. I haven't ever seen or heard from either of them since that night and I've been having a good time in life. As far as I know, they never filed a missing persons report and spent a little over a month searching for me on their own before giving up. I still feel bad for abandoning my siblings there but supposedly after that my mother at the least tried to straighten up and they are living better than they were. TL;DR - I had abusive drug abusing parents, after a bad night I left to live my own life and have been having a great time. Supposedly it straightened up at least one of them.
2021-04-19 17:46
9 replies
disgusting parents, you are a mentally strong person though. you can make contact with your siblings agian, perhaps wait a bit till they move away from your parents if they havent yet. how did u survive being homeless at 16?
2021-04-19 17:52
1 reply
I have kept in contact with my siblings, its how I know about my mother trying to clean up and shit, though I told them never to talk about me to parents basically. At 16 I had already had a job for two years and had also inherited a good sized chunk of money from grandparents who had passed away. I ended up taking advantage of a dual nationality law and essentially moved to Europe, and from then on I started living like every bit of money I had was all I would ever have, like I slept in hostels for something like ~400 days straight and got cheap or free food wherever I could find it. I ended up working for a while again and now I'm living a pretty normal life, all things considered.
2021-04-19 18:15
That's the roughest story yet... Hope everything is better now and that you can reunite with your siblings. That ambient is incredibly toxic and you should help so they dont follow your parents path.
2021-04-19 17:53
1 reply
I have since at the least met with a couple of them, though two of them still aren't on their own. I think I'm lucky there's no animosity and instead they thank me for showing that the way we were living wasn't the only option.
2021-04-19 18:18
who do you live with now?
2021-04-19 18:29
4 replies
Right now, a couple roommates. They're a little wild but they're cool people. It's been something like four years since this happened btw
2021-04-19 18:33
3 replies
how did you find them?
2021-04-19 18:34
2 replies
Looking for a place to live on ebay. They lived here first just wanted a third person to split rent with. Why do you ask?
2021-04-19 18:39
1 reply
just wondering because I know few people
2021-04-19 18:40
thanks for sharring all your stories, very interesting to see how everyone struggles with different things. dont hesitate to share yours
2021-04-19 18:02
i posted on reddit once
2021-04-19 18:03
#104
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Sweden boyyscout
i was homeless for 4 months (summer months though) in Berlin, I slept at the park near Jannowitzbrucke (behind the Chinese embassy) and collected cans and bottles for recycling, made around 5 euros per day which lasted enough for food. i don't want to share the reason for why i left home but yeah it was pretty rough, i had plans when i left Sweden but they went down the drain so that's the lowest i've ever gotten more specifically, there was a moment about 3 months into this when i went to the store and the cashier didn't want to take the coins directly from my hand, she asked me to put them on the counter because, i assume, i smelled and looked like shit so that moment was the lowest point
2021-04-19 18:03
3 replies
Was this during "corona"? Since at least here in Finland cashiers dont take cash from hand and want it to be put on a dish on the counter. If not, then you're probably correct((
2021-04-19 18:10
I mean.. Kinda weird that you stay homeless in Berlin instead of traveling back to Sweden, but doesnt matter now.
2021-04-19 19:01
How the hell did you even end up homeless in the first place??
2021-04-20 05:55
#105
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Sweden Zaser5
getting robbed in my apartment and covid depression cuz I can lose my job and kinda lonely still in it :((
2021-04-19 18:07
I was around 12 years of age, got kicked out of my home. I remember I showed up to school after like a week or two, teachers were wondering what happened to me and they tried to give me some sort of therapy stuff, I just said I didn’t need help. I ain’t crazy. Edit: Getting kicked out wasn’t the only issue, my dad who was never around decided to show up to our home and my mom kicked all of us out after like 5 hours of nonstop arguing. My mom forced my dad to take responsibility of me and my brothers. We were just walking around in the nighttime of New York City, wondering where we were going to sleep. On top of all that, I felt horrible because of some things at school, and I felt disgusted at myself.
2021-04-19 18:16
1 reply
Holy crap man, sorry you had to mature so soon... Hope everything is better now. Best wishes.
2021-04-19 18:25
bump
2021-04-19 18:13
Uni for sure
2021-04-19 18:19
1 reply
5 hookers fixes your life trust me
2021-04-19 18:40
Did nothin the first two years after school, taking some drugs und make debts because dont paying my rent for month till the bailiff was coming. But then i go back to my family and excuse for all and they helped me out. Thats where is was 19yo.
2021-04-19 18:23
#123
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United States daly92
I was on medication that gave me suicidal thoughts, for the longest time I didnt tell anyone because the medication was helping my condition, I finally got the courage to tell my family what was going on and even after stopping these thoughts plagued me for months... therapy helped somewhat and also i got a caring gf :)
2021-04-19 18:33
being in debt while having 0 motivation to study all in the middle of a break up... I feel like the best way, atleast for me, is having walks in quiet places, listening to music or just talking to yourself about how you can get through it and that you still have a long life ahead of you and should take it easy.
2021-04-19 18:36
i had a depression for two years when i was 17. together with my friend were selling books to get money for buying beer in a low quality pub. i sold all witcher books which were a childhood reminder. I lost all hope and lived in pain only for my family. i hated them because they didn't let me die. in this history nothing specjal has happened what cured me. everything what i have now was just a hard work, difficult decisions and many mistakes. I succeeded because I had strong family support and a correspondingly strong will. rest in peace for the people that have not as much luck. Now i want to read witcher again.
2021-04-19 18:37
2 replies
you should definately read the witcher books again m8
2021-04-19 21:57
1 reply
I will
2021-04-20 04:28
right now
2021-04-19 18:40
1 reply
praying for you
2021-04-19 18:47
I don't really think I had any low point in life, obviously I had better and worse times, but I never really had much issues, life rocks.
2021-04-19 18:42
1 reply
thats awesome
2021-04-19 18:44
#143
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Poland Amirek
Idk, I'm 14, besides being the no-life playing vidya all day long guy, I think losing my Navaja knife on betting like half a year ago
2021-04-19 18:43
3 replies
i see xd
2021-04-19 18:44
2 replies
#148
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Poland Amirek
I really don't know brother(( too young to get a taste of reality I guess
2021-04-19 18:46
1 reply
u'll get there, ur life will be fucked up at some point, just watch.
2021-04-19 18:47
Planning to move to a new country then lockdown coming, so I end up alone in my new flat in a new country with nobody at all. Probably the only time I genuinely felt, if it weren't for friends and family over Whatsapp, I would be dead... Reached a low I didn't know I could reach
2021-04-19 18:47
1 reply
+1 loneliness is terrible.
2021-04-19 18:48
It was last November, my parents got a divorce and my girlfriend of 3 months at the time broke up with me and got with one of my friends :)
2021-04-19 18:50
2 replies
Damn bro, thing people don't realise is those 3 months girlfriend often hurt the most, cuz it's right in that honeymoon phase where you're head over heels. Feel for ya, bud.
2021-04-19 18:53
1 reply
Exactly, its that point where you think theres nothing that could break with you, and you genuinely believe that they're the one. I am fine with how its all played out now, though.
2021-04-19 18:55
When i was a kid idk how old exactly but under 10 for sure, i wanted to kill myself, i tied some string around my neck went into the bushes, not exactly a forest but there were trees so let's call it a bush, it was covered in leaves, anyways while sitting in the apple tree, chewing an apple, I didn't go through with it because i had calmed down, then i went home while hiding the string around my neck, my mother was working at her garden on the flowers, idk how she didn't notice me putting my shirt up to my neck but yeah, now that I think about it the suicide would have failed, because I would have pulled myself up with my hands on the branch, I think I had made sure i was high enough not too reach the ground with my legs though, it would have been painful and It would have left scars, if I would have jumped maybe it would have broke neck but I don't remember how high I was, I don't remeber the details, but it would have been painful either way, I didn't tie a noose, it was tied really bad pretty sure, it was a beautiful summer day in a Lithuanian village too. This seems like a dream now so idk how low I felt and I was a kid heavily emotional, in terms of when I actually remember how I felt it was not so long ago, I just went into a store alone, stole alcohol(because underage), got really drunk alone in the city, then i kicked some cars so police took me into this place, not a police station but a place for drunks to sleep in, it was just one room and I was sleeping with the homeless and it stank too, I was drunk enough not to care though.
2021-04-19 18:58
#162
OK | 
Peru TheJuan
Back when i did not know aboit hltv, so got out of it by making an HLTV acc
2021-04-19 19:02
i lost my parents pretty young and i was raised by grandma and once i was 16 i went totally bat shit cray. every weekend drugs, party until i had liver cirrhosis with 19, it was kind of a good time but in the end it was the lowest point of my life, cuz i put all the anger all the sadness all the worries in distractions be it drugs, girls and being a dickhead teenager brawling randomy with ppl. this also why i have this name cuz it reminds me of my past.
2021-04-19 19:05
Literally my whole 20's. It all started by going to university after highschool, pretty much random because I didn't know what I wanted to do and I didn't find a job. I fell in love with my best (female) friend I knew for +10 years, but I never told her while I know there was a point where she felt the same. Lost completely contact to her for no particular reason, also some of my closest friends during that time. Now 6 years later she is married to an asshole and just got her first child a month ago I saw on Instagram. I lost interest in studying and stopped going to university / taking courses but was still a 'student'. My back pain is horrible (jobbed too long as a barkeeper), I was afraid getting out of the apartment and I don't know why, but I fear my mailbox because I'm afraid they kick me out of university. I smoked weed on daily basis and drank a lot, especially on weekends. I saw everyone around me stepping up in life, getting married, earning money, start a family and everyone in Unisversity is much younger than me and it's still hard to go to classes and finish the exams. Still hate myself for it, but I cannot change it. Somehow I feel Corona as a blessing, since I don't have to go out too much and I can avoid going to university, it's much easier online without going there to me. I live together with the love of my life for 4 years now and everything started to get better, don't know what would be if I didn't have her.
2021-04-19 19:16
2 replies
woah how old now?
2021-04-19 19:36
1 reply
I‘m 31 y/o now. Wish I could start again right After highschool. But I guess it‘s just part of the process called ‚life‘, youve got to live with the decisions you made, even if you - later on - know they were bad. Pro tip to Younger users who might read this: find something you burn for and know its your passion. And don‘t grow up if you can.
2021-04-19 22:30
c9 dropping their roster
2021-04-19 19:22
I feel like I have dozens of lowest points in my life, but many of them made me who I am today. A lot of issues with bullying and being a nerd from 7th grade on. Skipped school a lot. In 10th grade I missed 170 days of school and I didn't have an official excuse for 90% of them. When I was 17 I had to go to a trial and was forced into a psychiatry. After that everything went uphill. Not really because of psychiatic help, but because when I went back to school I met a lot of cool people that made school much more enjoyable and I regained a lot of self confidence. There's a meta study about happiness that's been going on for something like 80 years and the study found that the number 1 reason people are happy is because of their social surroundings. So I always try to be understanding, tolerating and cool with the people I meet.
2021-04-19 19:33
1 reply
nice man
2021-05-08 19:17
School with 0 motivation (rn)
2021-04-19 19:35
Nearly failed middle school and was quite depressed. Had mental issues that still continue to this day.
2021-04-19 20:00
i have no friends i cry everyday
2021-04-19 20:00
I finished highschool, in 2017, then i tried uni becouse i didnt know what to do and it was expected of me but i had 0 motivation and i left. Then i spent all my time locked up in my room playing videogames and watching youtube and netflix, maybe going out 1 in every 2 weekends, untill last year when the pandemic hit, i spent half a year litterally from bed to pc to dinner with just me and my dad wich i hated and who also was depressed from being all day locked up and alone, to pc to bed. When things calmed down a little i went to my moms house where i didnt have a pc and was left alone with my thoughts. The night before going back to my dads i completely lost control of my thoughts, it felt like i was just a guest in my brain watching things happen, i got super scared, i went to my mom and i started ciyng like ive never cried before, in the next two days i had 3 panic attacks and spent almost all day crying. I had thoght about suicide before but this time was different, this time it was for real, like doing it right now. That was the lowest point in my life, after that i got a therapist and he has helped me alot but the trauma still affects me. All my life everything came easy to me, i thought i was special, i thought this things couldnt happen to me, now i feel frail, lost a lot of confidence and everything scares me. IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE AT A LOW POINT BUT YOU CAN TAKE IT. TRY TO GET OUT, DONT TEST YOUR LUCK, DO SOMETHING BEFORE YOU ARE PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN. Also Thanks for asking :).
2021-04-19 20:41
3 replies
check ur dm
2021-04-19 22:07
#224
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Bosnia and Herzegovina Foxxyownz
i dedicate this to you and everyone else who battles with their own mind: youtube.com/watch?v=gafCVYM2hGM
2021-04-19 23:04
1 reply
thank you
2021-04-20 00:47
(serious) i think i once dove like 2.5 meters into the ocean at sea level so a truthful answer would be -2.5meter
2021-04-19 20:42
#202
 | 
Finland vega2
Every point in my life has been the lowest one.
2021-04-19 21:58
1 reply
so, negative derivative? i fucking studied too much
2021-04-20 00:55
im 20 so im pretty certain that i havent hit the absolute bottom yet. however, lowest point in my life was about a year ago, tried to kms and it was quite a severe attempt, dont wanna post why though since it will take too long to write. went to a psychologist and now im doing a bit better
2021-04-19 21:55
Me struggling with depression for a while in high school due to a mix of bullying and domestic problems (constant screaming at home between parents, occasionally physical violence), and then finally opening up to my crackhead mother who said she wouldn't care if I killed myself and that I probably wouldn't be smart enough to do it correctly anyways. edited with a little bit more context
2021-04-19 21:59
#212
rain | 
Kuwait roye
dont know didnt had any low points so much, but one of my hobbies made my money go away fast but its not about that but it added up, so I guess wasnt exactly lowest point that hit me after, but it felt like it, when i was betting small amounts like 5eu literally on anything that moves, for fun and for trying to improve and become pro gambler, long story short i got atacked by my parents a lot who think im complete loser because i bet and lose money.. thing is i wasnt even trying to win so much it was just to prepare myself mostly for bigger amounts. But i got atacked so much it was crazy i was pretty much getting beaten by hand from my parents at night if they think i was betting lol scary times :D sad part i actually found some luck in gambling right around those times so distractions stopped me from winning some extra money, i won cash but i could have won more, so when i saw i could have gotten more cash i lost motivation to do anything with my life even my hobbies gambling included, Some depressive fcks can really ruin your life
2021-04-19 22:32
heck, the lowest point in my life is rn... I'm a 15 (almost 16) year old, whose only hobbies are playing games and watching anime. I am also overweight, I have only like 1 or 2 good friends with who I can go outside but I rarely do, I am very bad at socializing, especially with people I don't know, and especially with girls. I also eat like 80% unhealthy stuff. Until now I at least had a good thing in my life, and that was the fact that I was really smart at school. NOW I got into the best high school in my city and I can barely keep up with the subjects, but also I am too lazy to put any effort into studying. I sometimes think about ending it all but I don't think I'll ever get to the point where THAT will become something that I seriously think about. I don't even know what to do anymore, everything I try doing seems pointless and I can't bring myself to start a sport as a hobby or something....
2021-04-19 22:42
1 reply
you're so young little bro, keep grinding and eventually you'll find friends/a gf/bf that love you the way you are.. remember that you have food on your table, 1 or 2 good friends (there are ppl that dont have any), a family that loves you (i assume), be grateful for your life and what you have, the rest you can work on.. remember that life dont come ready the way you want it, you have to discover yourself and the world, it is a daily grind.. dm me if you need any advice ;)
2021-04-19 22:52
not sure if the lowest but last year i was down bad fr. gonna summer-abuse to get back up again :100:
2021-04-19 22:45
lost my gf, last semester of graduation (loads of work), broke my foot playing bball.. cried for 10 days and promised myself no one would make a fool of me again
2021-04-19 22:47
#220
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Bosnia and Herzegovina Foxxyownz
traveled to another country to meet a girl just for it to come crashing down after a year of long-distance relationship. in retrospect, worst part about it was wasting money on plane tickets though. other than that, i'm basically a neet at 25. im currently in uni but i've fallen behind and questioning whether i'll make it throught this semester. no motivation and no future plans
2021-04-19 22:50
Well I don't have much of life but IDK Highest was when Dosia found success in Hellraisers (I genuinely don't know tho)
2021-04-19 23:03
when I was like 23 I lost my best friend and lost my girlfriend for a """friend""", I guess was the most depressed I got, but my plan was: I was using some drugs and drinking a lot at the time, I just stopped with everything, focused on working/studying and in 6 months I was 100% ready for business again, I have faith in god and always try to be motivated/positive, so instead of crying and complaining I got quiet and worked alone on myself, my tip is: dont invest on dangerous distractions like partying, drugs, alcohol... cuz that the perfect situation for them to try to fuck you, and use your brain, its normal for humans to get depressed etc, just use your brain and try to think logical, and think activities to invest your time into it, and as soon as you realize you are healthy again! the more u wish to get worse and worse, the more you enjoy the sadness the more deep you will go, so stop with bullshit and work on yourself. if anyone needs we are here to talk my hltv friends #HTLVarmy #brotherhood
2021-04-19 23:05
3 replies
I agree. when you use distractions to escape reality you just delay the feeling of "fuck my life". You have to go through that eventually and better try to leave it in the past asap. Talking from experience mens))))
2021-04-20 00:53
U have strong mind
2021-04-20 09:09
1 reply
I'm from BR, not even joking, if u dont be strong here the world stomps you lol, I will never be defeated by this type of shit, will die fighting brother!!
2021-04-20 21:35
Creating a my anime list; never did LOL
2021-04-20 04:34
1 reply
On a note of like "bad points in your life that changed you" it was probably getting kicked from my middle school badminton team; I didn't even think I was the worst player, I was on uphill trend for improvement. After getting kicked I lost my mental connection to the only physical sport I enjoyed, stopped caring and flopped the lessons (I am not normally sports person) and now I am slipping deeper and deeper into anti-social computer life (I still have friends that I talk to everyday tho unlike middle school where I could have sworn I was avoided and just felt out of place)
2021-04-20 04:51
Had my best friend die of cancer when I was 13, occupied myself with other things to cope which never really worked, always felt lonely and worthless after that, reached its peek when I had a psychotic breakdown when I was around 16. Started having talks w my friends helped a lot, was always hesitant but felt really good to just talk for a couple hours, also started working out and meeting new people when I got to university. Just always cherish what you have and if you're down mentally, just realize that better days are ahead and to take care of yourself mens.
2021-04-20 04:50
#235
jemi | 
Finland Qlity
idk sticking with a toxic ""friend""group for too long then having to deal with the mental shit caused by it
2021-04-20 04:52
1 reply
what about now? did you make new friends or hwat?
2021-04-20 09:29
Basically right now for me. I haven't had any tragic event like a lot of the people here, but I guess I still don't like where I'm at right now. I'm in uni studying mech. engineering, and I honestly hate studying. I'm making decent grades right now but I don't really fully understand what the fuck I'm reading or watching. The thing motivating me is that eng. majors have really useful and marketable skills in the real world and they make good money. But man do I fucking hate studying. I obviously haven't really been able to meet anyone at uni because of corona, so I don't talk to anyone aside from like 2 friends I keep in touch and my family. I haven't had a real outdoor event with any friends in over a year. I want to continue running and work out but I haven't been able to find the motivation to do so. Video games are the only time I ever experience a slight joy in my life right now. I'm honestly glad I'm lucky enough to have a good family because I hate being alone. Nothing drastic; no depression, hateful parents, breakups, etc. Just tired of studying and having little interaction with the outside world.
2021-04-20 04:56
#238
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Bosnia and Herzegovina murke2k
My parents forced me into high school (they forced me into gymnasium I wanted to go into IT hi-school), I played CS most of the time because that's something that I liked, found a team with whom I've won a couple of ESL Challenger tournaments just for my parents to break us up with taking my pc. From then I was constantly fighting with them because of school (I was a straight A student thru elementary but because I started gymnasium I had A in informatics and math but others were mixes of As, Bs and Cs) but they would never take the blame on themselves it was always "You're in puberty so you think everyone is against you". So then I figured out there was no point in fightning. I was grounded but I would sneak my PC out to play CS. Over a month being grounded I found 2 really good friends via FaceIT with whom I talk to almost everyday and they just helped me to go thru all of it. My suggestion: Just fuck it man. Forget about all of your problems and focus on the good stuff. Do what you like and don't let anyone tell you if its good or bad. Take some time for yourself and come back stronger.
2021-04-20 05:12
#239
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Uruguay santeF
Realest thread I've ever seen in Hltv
2021-04-20 05:28
1 reply
My threads be real
2021-04-20 09:07
#240
 | 
Sweden Nappev
probably now. behind 175 pages (albeit not everything has to be done) in math, several assignments, one cad model, my grades went from averageing A-B to C-E, i dont have any energy during the days, swapped classes to a new 1 year younger one where i dont really feel i fit in, i know maybe 2 people enough to call them friends in that class, losing connection with my old friends and im not sure how to keep that contact up, especially during corona where you cant really do anything. pandemic got me down, everyone else down, which now my relationship with my mother and father are bad, and im just so tired and everything is uncertain. but its on the upswing i feel like. i try to take one thing at a time starting with my parents and school. later during summer i hope to be rid of all needs and i can finally start building relations.
2021-04-20 05:38
Honestly? 2 weeks ago (still kind of in it) I've been struggling with my gender transition journey. Getting told no I can't help by 50+ medical professionals in the space of 2 weeks caused me to get really depressed and still struggling with it. Yesterdays pain didn't kill me so that becomes today's strength to me mens))
2021-04-20 05:39
4 replies
Interesting, Are you turning female or male
2021-04-20 09:06
3 replies
Born male turning female and will undergo all feminisation surgery (removal of adams apple, speech therapy, etc). I know it doesn't really seem THAT big of a deal but when you're constantly told no you aren't allowed to be who you truly are really affects you
2021-04-20 09:44
2 replies
get help
2021-05-16 20:30
1 reply
My psychiatrist says I'm fine? They even signed me off for surgery mens)))))
2021-05-17 15:31
I guess ever since I've been a high schooler. My motivation should have been super high since I was always a hard worker in elementary and middle school. I got good grades, went to states for a spelling bee, and I felt that I was overall a smart guy. Then I hit high school my motivation just plunged. I always procrastinating, I hate the way I look and act, I also think I have ego problems? I'm working hard to resolve these issues but its not easy :(
2021-04-20 05:44
1 reply
Men I hope things get better)
2021-04-20 09:48
#250
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Serbia embru
probably rn, my bestfriend killed himself few days before my bday(burried him on my bday) gf dumped me a week before because I wasnt stable and putting in the effort no motivation to wake up but i started therapy so
2021-04-20 09:43
1 reply
holy shit man i hope life gets better
2021-05-08 19:32
#255
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Finland mmiikkaa
iv drug use addiction and the resulting homelessness and my property was often stolen and debts of thousands of euros. almost died lol. ofc there was a lot of mental problems too depression, anxiety on whats about to happen next for me. hard times... i lost some friends but my best friend stayed on my side atleast after that all shit i brought to his life too. now i just play videogames in my studio apartment (+weed). and also im only 19 now.
2021-04-20 10:11
2 replies
Tbf im 30 and plan on spending my day off tomorrow playing video games + weed Edit: forgot about my 2 week holiday coming up. I plan to smoke a SHIT LOAD of weed and play video games the entire time :) even got some thc oil for it
2021-04-20 14:04
1 reply
#266
 | 
Finland mmiikkaa
best way to spend time for sure
2021-04-20 20:11
I am at my low for a long time now, didnt recover yet and I am not sure if I can ever recover, but I am hoping to
2021-04-20 15:55
4 replies
You will :)
2021-05-08 19:20
3 replies
I wish, its not so ez xd
2021-05-08 19:42
2 replies
I hope you do man
2021-05-09 09:19
1 reply
Thanks
2021-05-09 09:21
Mine had to be after spending my whole life never getting out of what I put into jobs and deciding to put all of my remaining effort into joining the marine corps, I spent a year training on my own based off the USMC PFT to make sure I was fit by the time I shipped to basic but due to a car wreck I had when I was 18 my recruiter found out I had asthma because when I my mom told the hospital I have asthma so it was on my medical record and, as such, I wasn't even able to make it to MEPS. Since then I can barely muster the energy to put anything more than the bare minimum required effort to get by and have settled into life as a 28 year old degenerate who lives with his parents and pretty much just watches anime, plays games and gets drunk all the time.
2021-04-20 16:21
1 reply
rough one, hope u find a way out men
2021-04-20 17:51
I've had a relatively easy life but I guess when my school said they would expel me if I got suspended a third time
2021-04-20 16:21
so there are about 3 first attempt, gf (now ex) helped me through it and convinced me not to go through with it second attempt, close friend after that same gf played and cheated on consoled me after finding out what was going on third attempt, was very close to successful, essentially everything had accumulated overtime, only really had this one close friend with whom I had a massive falling out with and she was basically the girl I was in love with and lost, but were now just reduced to mutual friends to the point I didn't tell her ahead of time. Lockdown made it so that I was forced with living around the same people destroying my mental health on a daily basis so how did I manage to climb back up? I moved to college, that same close friend I became mutuals with started to miss me and appreciated me only after I was gone. The same people I was forced to be around 24/7 in lockdown treated me completely different when I had to see them 3 months into the semester and had made 180's on their personalities since they only appreciated my presence once I left and basically didn't speak to them the entire time. I'm someone who doesn't speak up and grew up in a setting where any of my opinions lead to me facing punishment so it translated to relationships as well. So biggest moral of the story? When you're the type of person who puts others before yourself and allow others to make critique of you like a brick wall while you never say a word in return but reassure their health, I find that being alone for a bit and letting them self reflect once you're gone changes their mood a lot.
2021-04-20 18:25
I had a phase with like 14-15 where I realized I waste all my youth playing video games and being alone and then I was very very sad, then I started drinking alcohol and smoking weed with 16 and my life got better
2021-04-20 21:38
my old boss quit due to age and my work went from amazing to annoying... he was a great guy.
2021-04-20 21:51
Since the beginning of hs, nothing special except that I am not studying at all and It's really boring also I don't feel like I am completely honest to some of my friends, partialy because I feel like we are not that connected to begin with soo possibly we won't even meet each other that much after hs ends, luckily It's only few months away soo I'll see how that's gonna end up. About hs first I changed the school because I was too lazy in first that required a good studying habits which I never really had nor I cared about and after that at the beginning of 2nd year I got into 2nd school that almost feels like a complete opposite to first, downsides? I think most ppl here are dumbasses and that apart from my studying habits I belong way more to ppl from my 1st class, It doesn't help that I feel like I am not on the same page with my parents/sister but after some time you kinda get over it because you know time will do It's own thing anyway soo It's not like I'll have to look at them forever. TLDR: Changing high-schools and time spent in them (soo last 3 and a half years), questionable friendships rn and always questionable relationship with parents, the end is getting near soo it's probably gg, unless It can get worse which I believe is not true.
2021-04-20 22:38
Homeless, living in a car with severe mental health issues and addicted to pornography. Got out of it by making a shitload of money in a way that's morally and legally questionable.
2021-05-08 19:24
1 reply
at least you made it. this gangsta is a smart one.
2021-05-08 19:33
When i was 14 i had depression, anxiety, daily panic attacks the whole bunch, was thinking about killing myself and nearly did. I cut my arms up a lot back then so i have a couple knife scars. It was mostly over family shit, not getting any personal space and pressure from school.
2021-05-08 19:39
2 replies
i never ever ever understood why depressed people would cut themselves, whats the logic or meaning
2021-05-10 11:19
1 reply
I know it sounds stupid but you are trying to relieve the pain you feel inside. Because you cant let shit out normally you have to do it physically.
2021-05-16 19:36
Right now reading this post, then closing the tab
2021-05-08 19:41
right now even tho we opened(my family) a successful coffee shop the past year has been totally depressing. No motivation, cant travel, arguing everyday for the dumbest things possible with my closest. Thankfully me and my gf are going to work this summer in Germany(not for money, instead for traveling and gaining some new experiences ) i hope things return back to normal by the end of the year.
2021-05-08 19:56
At one point in my life I was working 12 hours a day , especially because I had to quit my highschool and be homeschooled (not because of COVID, I had to leave my highschool and take classes in a student program that you can take when you're homeschooled) but I had to re-do all my classes from the beginning with different things to study starting in February. And the homeschool class ended in may so I basically did one year of class in around 4 months with 10 assignments for 10 classes (so a 100 tests and essays with chapters to learn). Mental breakdowns every week :(. EDIT: It got better when I got homeschooled next year, but this time I started the class as everyone else did so it was superrr easy
2021-05-08 20:04
No big deal, I was depressed at the middle school and my classmates were not helping at all, instead, some of them were picking on me saying I'm emotionless. Now those fuckers have a shit tier life while I'm a STEM student at a top-tier Turkish college(İTÜ).
2021-05-08 20:07
Almost killed myself at age of 17
2021-05-08 20:44
im on hltv so i think rn
2021-05-10 11:19
when gambling websites closed i lost 600$ in skins i wanted to kms
2021-05-10 11:21
I think around late 2018 early 2019. I was very anhedonic, would get tired easily, sleep a long time, and not find anything to do for much entertainment. I made my new HLTV account around the end of that time and HLTV just gave me something to do which might have helped in reducing that
2021-05-16 19:42
Got phrased around by my studies a bit, sleeping 1-2 hours a day trying to keep up and maintain high marks. Basically this super vicious cycle where my health got worse and worse until I wasn't really like present at all for anything. Got pretty cynical, lost a lot of motivation, become pretty apathetic towards school, and then my grades dropped. I kind of just stopped working but my sleep stayed fucked. Kept this for a few months until my grades had dropped hard, but when I tried working again I had no ability to focus. Realised that I need something to change. Picked my ass up and tried to relearn how to work. Sounds weird but even now I still can't discipline myself to work for as long as I used to, I think the shit really fucked me up. Past year or so been fixing my sleeping, get 7-8 hours daily with some expectations when I need to cram. Go walking everyday, read everyday, hit the heavy bag a bit, eat 3 balanced meals, spend time with family, cold shower, no junk food, brush teeth twice a day. Some of these things are minor, but it's about taking back control and building my discipline back. Always make sure I have a good mentality as well. Some good days, some bad days. But with more sleep and as more time passes I can work longer and longer hours. My grades will never be as good as they were before, but they're still good enough so i have a chance at my dream university. So shit was not horrible, but relatively bad for me, but I am fixing it :) Life is pretty good right now.
2021-05-16 19:45
I'd say since covid i'm living the lowest point of my life. I passed a master degree in 2019, went 3 months in Thailand for volunteering, came back in March 2020, boom Covid, I didn't find any job in my field since then, now I'm considering to become a tennis teacher cause I'm fed up with profit/risks blabla During an interview with a consulting firm, the manager told me that "the current situation is way harder for the employer than for the candidate", I hated having to agree with that mofo in order to get a job.... I didn't get lmao
2021-05-17 15:38
Can't talk about it sadly.
2021-05-17 15:40
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