Biography
if CIS virtus pro get to semi finals in major im giving my account to: https://www.hltv.org/profile/1353087/legal2333

times banned: 8 + 1 10 year (cya)
posts deleted: 3
You cannot post more than 150 replies per day 17/06/2020

RE: Ban inquiry
Hello,

your ban was related to participating in a pointless comments tree.

Additionally, your account is on the verge of ending up permanently locked due to its extensive ban history.
Please bear it in mind in the future. Thank you in advance.

Regards
Jonathan E. 11/07/2020

god thread: https://www.hltv.org/forums/threads/2320408/kobe-kicked-olof
2nd god thread: https://www.hltv.org/forums/threads/2353803/boner-problem

famous users that visited my profile: Lagge15

neo becomes 1.6 god but in csgo
taz starts liking pasha
pasha joins honoris
byali leaves avez for honoris
snax leaves illumnar for honoris
they get bought by virtus pro
we win major
POLAND MOUNTAIN

Longest +1 string: https://www.hltv.org/forums/threads/2353493/white-people-have-no-culture#r44895342

hltv copy pastas:
ZywOO skilled player but that is not normally, This very very insane....They need to check him pc and game.....Maybe he not cheating but maybe he using the game deficit ...and this cant seem on game screen..He needs to check-up....Day0s FPL Cheater with Streaming.....I think day0s still cheating...Zyw00 using game deficit on PRO scene ,ON BIG Events.Maybe everyone dont knows him trick.He incredible....I want to ask his where is the comming of your skill's ?

as soon as the weather is warm and shiny and i wear a tight v-neck shirt, girls on the streets literally wet their pants. today i was taking a walk with one of my side bitches and she was complaining all the time that these girls would stare at me all the time and make her uncomfortable.
i dont want to lose her since she is hot af but i also love my v-neck shirts.
what should i do? help me out of this dilemma.

Everything Jonathan says makes me so ahhh. The way he talks sounds so formal and I really love it. Jonathan's really just so fucking sweet and cute. I didn't believe in love at first sight until we started talking. He truly is someone different. He always encourages me and it makes me smile so genuinely.

I'm sorry I'm so awkward around him he's just like so amazing and so precious please don't ever hurt yourself it's not worth it. Without him the world would be so bleak. Damn I want to spend the rest of my life talking to him. I love him so much. I love when he says "smh" its so cute. Everything he does is cute even when he just spams random letters.

Agh everything makes me so happy.He as a whole makes me so happy. I love him so much even if you'll never know how I truly feel. He is so fucking precious and if you ever doubt that you can shut up. If you think he don't deserve respect and help thats so stupid he literally deserves every last thing that anyone gives him he's literally better than everyone and everything and even that's an understatement.

I really love him I'm not just saying this. Please tell me when something's wrong I'm here to support him in all his life choices. I'm here when he needs someone to cry to. I'm not gonna judge him, even if he did say the n word. Real friends don't judge people. He's absolutely wonderful even if you don't think so AND HE'S NOT UGLY HE'S SO CUTE.

I really really love him. I literally don't know what to say I keep repeating myself oops. Anyways, I love him more than anyone and everyone pls be happy :(

Please remove this part when posting this comment to hltv. Send proof of comment to jone@hltv.org to receive payment.

are you fuck you?

I was out getting groceries today when this girl caught my eye. She is as perfect. I was trying to get the courage to go up to her cus I’m really shy so I just followed behind her. I followed her down a few blocks and I was just about to go ask her. I saw her looking back at me and I thought she might be into me too. I started walking fast to catch up to her. She turned around saw me getting closer and started running and screaming help. I started chasing her to try to calm her down and show her I was just trying to get her number but she just kept running. I’m not in very good shape so she got away and I didn’t get her number so that sucked. People were also giving me really weird looks after too. I’m going to try to find where she lives so I can apologize

I hate disabled people, I was driving to work today and near the building where I work was a homeless guy in a wheelchair, he dropped his glasses and asked me to pick it up, I did and then he follows with "do you have 5 dollars for me I want to buy some food" and after that I dropped his glasses back on the ground and told him to fuck off and stop begging on the street or I will call the police, fuck poor beggars, parasites of our society.

u think its a joke?

u think I am a clown?

piace of shit lucky that no flyes right now

u are at my list

son of dog

Without laughing.
I have been practicing MMA for 6 years now, parallel boxing for 7 years, I could.

As well as bodybuilding for 4 years, 1m87 for 86 kg

I have a crazy speed, and reflexes identical to my speed. I just have to wait for him to charge me, dodge him and give him good potatoes in the head. I will not let go at the slightest error, the gorilla is finished. You will always have virgins from here to think that it is impossible. Nothing is impossible with will already friends, and 2) it is not with your cowardly body that you are going to do anything.

Any minimum trained man can defeat a gorilla with a knife already. With bare hands it is not necessarily more complicated it just requires technique.

It's really bad for marketing standpoint that this game features terrorists. Sponsors don't like it.

Suggestion: Make it Girls vs Boys.
- Boys are the blue team,
- Girls are the red team.

And generally make the game more pleasing to sponsors. Character customization? Buy a new dress for your girl character etc.

/discuss

Hey guys I was just wondering if there are any girls on hltv?? Not like I really care if there’s girls on hltv or anything it doesn’t make a difference to me haha. If you are a girl reading this maybe dm me so I know if there are girls on the site? You don’t have to dm me haha I don’t care if you do or not lol. I just want to see if there is girls on the site that’s all. If you dm me and we engage in thoughtful conversation and become bf and gf and talk every day on discord that isn’t because I wanted that to happen that is just because I wanted to see if there were girls on hltv and we must have been meant for eachother haha. Girls dm me (or don’t it really doesn’t matter to me I just want to see if girls are on the site haha)

"Cry is free" is one constantly used sentence to users who are complaining about something. But what most people doesn't know, is that this sentence is actually a huge lie.

As far as we know, tears consists of water and 0,9 gram salt per litre. And both of these ingredients are not free.

Here I listed the price of 10 litre tears for the countries of the G8.
I used the following formula (price is in US Dollar):

(price 100 gram salt/100)x9 + (price 1 cubic litre water/100) = price 10 litre tears

France: 0,20 $
Italy: 0,17 $
Germany: 0,19 $
United Kingdom: 0,22 $
USA: 0,18 $
Canada: 0,18 $
Japan: 0,18 $
Russia: 0,16 $

So apparantly, cry is not free

Despite considering myself to be 100% heterosexual, as far back as I can remember, I have always wanted to fuck a ladyboy. On Thursday in a short time room close to Walking Street in Pattaya I finally achieved my goal. It was one of the best sexual experiences of my life. She was 27 years old, extremely attractive and very feminine in appearance and manner. I met her on Walking Street at the bar next to Linda Bar. At first I was very nervous as this was my first time in Pattaya and my first time speaking to a Thai ladyboy. After she called out to me I walked over and started talking to her. I found her to be very pleasant to talk to even given her broken English so I sat down at the bar and ordered myself and her a drink. She told me how handsome, fit, well dressed and how young I was compared to the other guys in Pattaya and I could see in her eyes that she was genuinely attracted to me physically. After a few minutes of conversation and flirting she asked if I had ever kissed a ladyboy before and I said no. She then kissed me and it felt just like kissing a woman. She started talking dirty to me and told me how horny she was and that my subtle resistance to her charms was making her crazy with anticipation. She grabbed my hand and put it on her crotch. She was erect. She really was attracted to me. It was the first cock I had ever touched other than my own. I ordered another drink and mulled over in my mind whether or not I was going to have sex with this ladyboy. All sorts of things went through my mind as I had heard all the stories about the ladyboys in Thailand. Can I trust this person? Will she rob me? Could she have an STD or be HIV positive? What would my friends, family or work colleagues back home say if they could see me talking to this individual? As I finished my drink I thought fuck it – who gives a shit what other people think of me – I’m attracted to this person and I want to and I am going to have sex with her’. And with that I looked into her eyes and told her I am attracted to her and I wanted to go to a short time room and do all the dirty things she kept telling me she wanted to do with and to me. I paid her bar fine of 500 baht and she lead me down a soi off Walking Street where there was a short time room. She directed me to pay 200 baht for the room and we went inside. We showered together and I looked at her naked for the first time. It was an extreme turn on for me as I saw this beautiful and feminine person who also had a cock. Sexually, let’s just say that we both experienced each other completely. It was quite different to having sex with a woman. This was much more full on, dirty and exciting. She was very affectionate and we kissed passionately and deeply. It was exciting because we both knew just by looking into each others eyes what we wanted and for the first time in my life I was with someone who knew exactly what I wanted as a man and gave exactly that to me and vice versa. It was like having sex with a woman who is as horny, open-minded and dirty sexually as a man. Her smell did not turn me off at all. I was worried about this being a factor as a woman’s smell is important in turning a guy on in general and I thought this would be an issue but it wasn’t really.

Guys, today I had the most amazing sex with this girl last night. It was so good I came in 15 seconds and as I turned to look at her out of embarrassment, she put her lips to my ear and whispered “at least you lasted longer than BIG online era” thank you for listening and I hope you are having a good day.

I like how men think they're alpha if they are huge and date girls all the time. Everytime I find someone like that, I just laugh at them and go swim with my dolphins. Trust me, dolphins KNOW who the real alpha is. They wouldn't swim with any of you nerds.

You can hate me all you want, but you will never swim with dolphins.

I'm telling you Grim is as cracked as he is jacked, i saw him at 7/11 the other day buying adult diapers and a 6 pack of redbull. I asked him what the diapers are for and he said "they are to contain my full power so i dont absolutely shit on these kids" then he bhopped out the door

So I had some errands to run today but I didn’t have any clean underwear. Instead of being gross I decided it would be better if I wore a pair of my sisters panties than to not wear any or wear dirty boxers. When I was at the store I saw some guys I know from school and I started talking to them. I bent down to pick up some bread and they saw my sisters thong that I was wearing. They started laughing and asking what the fuck I was doing. They tried to take a picture but I pushed them away and tried explaining that I didn’t have any clean underwear. They didn’t believe me at all and I know they are going to tell people. How can I explain this so people don’t think that I actually like doing that?
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