Greetings! Welcome to my HLTV profile!

**INTRODUCTION:**

Rank: MM - Unranked | FACEIT - Level 3 (i am dogshit)
I am not a toxic player
Jump-throw bind:
alias "+jumpthrow" "+jump;-attack"; alias "-jumpthrow" "-jump"; bind mouse5 "+jumpthrow"
Music preference: Any but rap

**COPYPASTAS (UPDATED FREQUENTLY, CHECK BACK SOON FOR MORE):**

Nice opinion. Just one tiny problem with it. Inspecting your post, it looks like your opinion is different from mine.
Boy, let me tell you something.
I am the baseline for opinions, any opinion I hold is objectively correct and, as a result, any other opinions are wrong. And guess what? You happen to hold a wrong one. And I hope you know that your opinion is now illegal. I have now contacted the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, the Navy SEALs, the Secret Service and your mom. You'll rot in prison for the rest of your life over this, mark my words you'll be sorry you ever shared your opinions. By the time you're reading this, you're done for boy. Nature will punish you. Humanity will punish you. Supernatural beings will punish you. Space will punish you. Oh yeah, and we decided that just to make sure we'll nuke your house from orbit so there's no chance you can run away and everyone you know will die. It's a small price to pay for ethnic cleansing. May this post be a warning for anyone else brave enough to share an incorrect opinion; you've been warned.

I'm telling you, [x] is as cracked as he is jacked, I saw him at 7/11 the other day buying adult diapers & a 6 pack of redbull. I asked what the diapers were for and he said “they are to contain my full power so I don't absolutely shit on these kids” then he bhopped out the door

Hello, am 48 year man from somalia. Sorry for my bed england. I selled my wife for internet connection for play "conter stirk" and i want to become the goodest player like you I play with 400 ping on brazil server and i am Global elite 2. pls no copy pasterio my story..

I wasn’t a classic nerdy computer kid in school I was one of the ones to get a girlfriend first and a very social person typical and I am very determined ist egal obs jetzt beim kartenspielen ist oder beim tischtennis oder beim computer er gibt nicht auf what I really want is to win a major

valarante child game.... look to cartoon grapfix to make kid player happy like children show.. valarante cartoon world with rainbow unlike counter strike with dark corridorr and raelistic gun.. valarante like playhouse. valarant playor run from csgo fear of dark world and realism

So I was on my morning run today. I was hella thirsty so decided to buy some water, near the store I saw a guy in C9 jersey, sitting on the ground and crying. At first I thought that it must be some bettor who "bets his house" on a video game, and so I asked him "HOW MUCH?", his answer was rather shocking to me - "$6 million". My instant reaction "what a blunder? why have you done that?". wiping his tears "I wanted to build a Colossus". And then I realized it was former professional CSGO caster HenryG ( who was carried by GOAT Sadokist btw ). I told him that nothing is over yet and we are gonna win the next major #C9WIN. He thanked me for good words but kept crying. I felt really anxious for him. Poor guy. I bought him an ice cream.

NiP, also known as Numerous Internet Problems is a professional CS:GO team from Sweden. They feature players such as dev40%ce, Plosski. They are known for their signature strat of paying Flashpoint for a rematch on Mirage.

I think its hilarious u kids talking about [x]. u wouldnt say this stuff to him at lan, hes jacked. not only that but he wears the freshest clothes, eats at the chillest restaurants and hangs out with the hottest dudes. yall are pathetic lol

I have been in this shitty sub for almost a year and the humour here almost didn’t change at all. All of you here are so fucking unfunny it hurts to even open Reddit and see your “jokes” on my home page. The word 69 is not funny at ALL. 420 is also not funny. I know they are the sex and weed number but how is that funny at all? Do you just say “oh I’m almost about to get 69 karma haha funny”????? You’re not. Saying “penis” or when asked to say a joke “my life” isn’t fucking funny in any way. How is a whole group of teenagers SO UNFUNNY???? I used to have this type of “humour” for a bit (not that long so thank god) and after I realized how much it was being repeated I realized that you guys are embarrassing. No one out of Reddit likes or respects ANY of you. TIK TOK is funnier then here AND ALWAYS WILL BE. “So leave the sub” that won’t fix the sub though, will it? It hurts to see your “jokes”. Develop a sense of humor or just get out

NA “Near Airport” is known as the fastest region to arrive at the Airport. Since they gave up on the LoL Worlds Championship, they are investing in Speedruns. In particular they are current worldrecord holders in Airport Any % and Airport no wins.

I remember me and Xi Wu working in an iPhone factory in Shenzen and he used to say he want to play at the biggest stages and travel the world. Now observe the glorious visage of my Oriental compatriot carrying EU CS and travelling worldwide. He has also been made an honorary frenchman & has had his picture projected on several buildings and monuments

I just checked HLTV and there is nothing I could find on the subject of “JW VAC ban”. Whoever is making these silly claims in the Twitch chat room seriously needs to stop because more people might actually go and waste their time trying to find this information. Sad!!

I actually saw Dexter arguing with his kid at the airport. His kid was clutching at his Renegades jersey in tears, and Dexter kept telling him to "fuck off" and "stop ruining my dreams"

Sodium, atomic number 11, was first isolated by Peter Dager in 1807. A chemical component of salt, he named it Na in honor of the saltiest region on earth, North America.

This is exactly why I hate Twitch chat. This chat is pure, unadulterated, 100% stupidity. THIS is why I’m turning off chat and will just watch the professional gameplay. And I Swear to god, if any of you copy and paste this, I’m deleting my account forever..

You notice a wall of text in twitch chat and your hand instinctively goes to the mouse. You scroll up to stop the chat elevator and read the pasta, indulging in its delights... You soon realize that this pasta conveys no information nor is particularly witty or funny. Nevertheless, you drag your mouse across, hit Ctrl C, then Ctrl V and press enter..

Summary:
Shots 1-5: Clearly missed.
Shots 6-9: Missed due to recoil (bad spray control).
Shots 10-11: Very close, but recoil and inaccuracy make these reasonable misses.
Shot 12: Likely didn't actually fire because Hiko was already dead.

[Insert team here] is fantastic. Just needs to work on communication, aim, map awareness, crosshair placement, economy management, pistol aim, awp flicks, grenade spots, smoke spots, pop flashes, positioning, bomb plant positions, retake ability, bunny hopping, spray control and getting a kill.

TACO: "Actually, I remember one time we were playing against Virtus,pro, Nuke, and it was 15-5 to VP. We were playing as T. VP are CT. And FalleN said, "guys if you think we are good, let's prove it now, 15-5" FalleN: "Did we come back?" TACO: "Of course not. 16-5."

I think inferno and cobblestone need to go. In these maps chickens are killed recklessly and without remorse. Chat keeps shouting 'PETA' but no action is taken. I think we need to take them out of the competitive map pool to put a stop to this slaughter and show we are serious.

When I first played rank, I got highest tear Silver. idk what that is. Masters? So after a few games with trolls, I ended up silver 3, and im now like... silver 4. I main the XM1014, 2 flashes, a incenderary and a smoke. Both sides. This information is just to give you guys a general understanding of my experience.

is it me or is olofmeister a bit of a boring player

like u see it at the end of the game
"oh wow olof has 32 kills"
but u can never remember them.

can u remember a single olof kill ?

but try guardian...u can see the flick
i remember a guardian flick.

I saw AmaNEk and acoR the other day in the park playing chess, they were arguing about who missed more shots, i listened for 5 minutes until junior showed up, tried to high five them, missed and fell into the bushes!!

**MAJOR WINNING TEAMS**

DreamHack Winter 2013: fnatic (MVP: Jesper "JW" Wecksell)
Finalist: Ninjas In Pyjamas
EMS One Katowice 2014: Virtus.pro (MVP: Jaroslaw "pashaBiceps" Jarzabkowski)
Finalist: Ninjas In Pyjamas
ESL One Cologne 2014: Ninjas In Pyjamas (MVP: Adam "friberg" Friberg)
Finalist: fnatic
DreamHack Winter 2014: Team LDLC (MVP: Vincent "Happy" Schopenhaur)
Finalist: Ninjas In Pyjamas
ESL One Katowice 2015: fnatic (MVP: Olof "olofmeister" Kajbjer)
Finalist: Ninjas In Pyjamas
ESL One Cologne 2015: fnatic (MVP: Robin "flusha" Ronnquist)
Finalist: Team EnVyUs
DreamHack Open Cluj-Napoca 2015: Team EnVyUs (MVP: Kenny "kennyS" Schrub)
Finalist: Natus Vincere
MLG Columbus 2016: Luminosity Gaming (MVP: Marcelo "coldzera" David)
Finalist: Natus Vincere
ESL One Cologne 2016: SK Gaming (MVP: Marcelo "coldzera" David)
Finalist: Team Liquid
ELEAGUE Atlanta 2017: Astralis (MVP: Markus "Kjaerbye" Kjaerbye)
Finalist: Virtus.pro
PGL Krakow 2017: Gambit Esports (MVP: Dauren "AdreN" Kystaubayev)
Finalist: Immortals
ELEAGUE Boston 2018: Cloud9 (MVP: Tarik "tarik" Celik)
Finalist: FaZe Clan
FACEIT London 2018: Astralis (MVP: Nicolai "device" Reedtz)
Finalist: Natus Vincere
IEM Katowice 2019: Astralis (MVP: Emil "Magisk" Reif)
Finalist: ENCE Esports
StarLadder Berlin 2019: Astralis (MVP: Nicolai "device" Reedtz)
Finalist: AVANGAR
PGL Stockholm 2021: ???
Finalist: ???

**INTEL GRAND SLAM WINNERS**

[2018] Season 1 - Astralis - gla1ve, dupreeh, device, Magisk, Xyp9x, and zonic (Coach)
DreamHack Masters Marseille 2018
ESL Pro League Season 7 Finals
IEM Chicago 2018
ESL Pro League Season 8 Finals
[2019] Season 2 - Team Liquid - nitr0, Twistzz, EliGE, NAF, Stewie2K. and adreN (Coach)
IEM Sydney 2019
DreamHack Masters Dallas 2019
ESL Pro League Season 9 Finals
ESL One Cologne 2019
[2020-2021] Season 3 - Natus Vincere - s1mple, electronic, Boombl4, Perfecto, flamie, B1T, and B1ad3 (Coach)
IEM Katowice 2020
DreamHack Masters Spring 2021
IEM Cologne 2021
ESL Pro League Season 14
[???] Season 4 - ???

**COMMENT MILESTONES**

1000 Comments - June 23rd, 2021
2000 Comments - July 10th, 2021
3000 Comments - August 4th, 2021
4000 Comments - September 6th, 2021
5000 Comments - October 7th, 2021

**USERS THAT I RESPECT**

FaZeUpAssDown - Profile: https://www.hltv.org/profile/640806/fazeupassdown
NockBofferman - Profile: https://www.hltv.org/profile/1390883/nockbofferman
ghcnvbkn - Profile: https://www.hltv.org/profile/1317053/ghcnvbkn
Astralis_6_majors - Profile: https://www.hltv.org/profile/1261796/astralis-6-majors
Rayduh - Profile: https://www.hltv.org/profile/1440817/rayduh
Jonty04l32 - Profile: https://www.hltv.org/profile/668758/jonty04l32
DELUSIONAL_CHRISJ_FAN - Profile: https://www.hltv.org/profile/1384695/delusional-chrisj-fan
I_like_csgo - Profile: https://www.hltv.org/profile/1430708/i-like-csgo
i_play_b_rotation - Profile: https://www.hltv.org/profile/1314831/i-play-b-rotation